The Case of the Velvet Claws: A Honeymoon Disaster

Is it worth your time?

If you like old-school detective yarns where people talk fast and smoke even faster, sure. It’s a breezy watch for a rainy afternoon. If you’re looking for a grounded procedural or anything resembling a calm romantic comedy, steer clear. This movie moves like it’s being chased by a debt collector.

The whole thing starts with a wedding, which is just a fancy way of saying “time to ruin Perry’s life.” Before the ink is dry on the license, a woman with a gun—and not the fun kind—is demanding his legal services. It’s a classic setup that feels like it belongs in the same frantic bucket as The Chicken in the Case, only with more fedoras and fewer birds.

The Pacing Problem

The movie is barely over an hour long, and you can tell. It feels like someone edited it with a pair of rusty garden shears. Scenes jump from a hotel room to a courtroom to a dark alleyway so fast you’ll get whiplash. It’s disorienting. But honestly, it’s kind of refreshing compared to the bloated messes we get nowadays.

Warren William plays Perry with this weird, twitchy energy. He doesn't look like a guy who just got married. He looks like a guy who’s constantly checking if his wallet is still in his back pocket. I guess that’s just how lawyers work in the 1930s. Or maybe he just really didn't want to be on that honeymoon.

Odd Little Moments

• There’s a background extra in the third act who spends an entire scene looking at his shoes. It’s distracting.
• The lighting in the office scenes is so dramatic that half the time you can’t see the faces of the people talking. It’s great.
• Someone yells “Perry!” so many times I started to think they were playing a drinking game.

I couldn’t help but think about how much more relaxed the stakes felt in something like The Farmerette. Here, everything is life or death. The woman with the gun isn’t just a client; she’s a chaotic force of nature. Every time she enters a room, the furniture looks like it’s about to break.

The dialogue is snappy, but it feels like they’re trying to fit three hours of plot into sixty minutes. You miss half the clues because the movie is already onto the next murder or blackmail attempt. Did she actually do it? I’m still not 100% sure, and I think that’s fine. The fun isn't the solution; it's the frantic mess getting there.

Don't look for logic. Just enjoy the ride. It’s messy, it’s cheap, and it’s surprisingly persistent. Just like a bad case of the flu, only with more sharp suits. 🕵️‍♂️