Summary
Amidst the festering moral decay of Last Chance Valley—a cesspool of iniquity where virtue drowns in bathtub gin—arrives Professor Polonius Pinhead, a gangly academic paradoxically mounted upon King Solomon, his sagacious donkey companion. This unlikely duo encounters two diametric female forces: Violet, a tremulous blossom perpetually folding inward, and the magnificently substantial Molly, whose three-hundred-and-fifty-pound frame houses volcanic spirit and uncanny marksmanship. Their fragile equilibrium shatters when Howling Hank, a union-certified villain sporting regulation black mustachios and a six-shooter miraculously containing forty-seven rounds, demands Violet's indentured service in his den of iniquity. Molly's ferocious protection ignites a frontier standoff, unexpectedly escalated when King Solomon delivers a decisive hoof to Pinhead's posterior. Thus catalyzed, the professor discovers liquid valor in Dutch courage, transforming from quivering scholar to swaggering savior who routs the villain, liberates Violet, and claims Molly as his improbable bride.
Synopsis
Last Chance Valley fairly wallowed in wickedness. To it came Professor Polonius Pinhead upon the back of his donkey and boon companion, King Solomon, and there he found two shrinking flowers of the valley. One's name was Violet and the other was Molly, whose expansion was in direct contrast to Violet's shrinking. She weighed 350 and could juggle a bean-shooter as well as any gun-toter. And, of course, there was a bad man. His name was Howling Hank, and he was a union villain licensed by the Moving Picture Theater Villains' Association, to wear the official black mustache and carry forty-seven shots in his six-shooter. Now, Howling Hank was determined that Violet should work in his dance-hall, and Molly was just as determined that Violet should not. Into this life and death struggle King Solomon, the donkey, kicked Professor Pinhead, and this elongated individual eventually obtained Dutch courage enough to route the villain, to save Violet, and to marry Molly.
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