A Message to Garcia: A dusty historical slog

Is it worth your time?

Honestly, only if you have a thing for black-and-white historical dramas that don't quite know if they want to be a war movie or a romance. If you like classic Hollywood grit, maybe. If you want a fast-paced action flick, you're going to be bored out of your mind within twenty minutes.

The whole thing feels like a history textbook that someone tried to glue a melodrama onto. It’s not necessarily bad, just... a bit stiff. It drags in the middle, and the jungle scenes look like they were filmed in the back lot of a studio that ran out of budget for real foliage. 🌳

The Wallace Beery Effect

Wallace Beery is in this, and he just plays Wallace Beery. He’s loud, he’s grumpy, and he kind of eats the scenery every time he enters a frame. It’s the same energy you might see if you were watching Prince of the Tramps, just with more sweat and a thicker accent.

Barbara Stanwyck is trying her best, but she’s trapped in a role that feels tacked on. It’s like the writers realized the mission to deliver a message was too dry, so they threw her into the jungle to create some tension. Sometimes it works, sometimes it just makes you wonder why she’s even there.

• The dialogue is surprisingly clunky, even for 1936.
• The "actual event" part is treated with all the lightness of a lead balloon.
• I swear some of the extras are just wandering around waiting for the craft services table to open.

There’s this one sequence where they’re creeping through the brush, and the silence is so heavy it feels like the actors forgot their lines. Then, suddenly, there’s an explosion, and everyone starts running in different directions. It’s chaotic, but not in a fun way.

If you compare this to something like Front Page Woman, you really see how much better Stanwyck works in a setting that doesn't force her to be a damsel in the mud. Here, she's just a plot device with a nice costume.

Overall? It’s a movie that exists. It hits its marks, the message gets delivered, and the war technically happens. But it doesn't leave a mark on you. It’s just... there. Sort of like that one shelf in your closet that’s full of stuff you don’t remember buying.