Bach détective: A weird, dusty slice of 1930s slapstick

If you're the kind of person who needs a tight plot to stay awake, stay far away from Bach détective. It’s a messy, rambling little thing that feels less like a structured movie and more like a stage sketch that accidentally got recorded on film. You’ll probably hate it if you demand logic or, you know, things that make sense.

But if you just want to see a guy named Bach stumble around in a suit that fits him perfectly wrong, it’s a weirdly pleasant way to burn an hour. It feels like old-school comfort food, assuming your comfort food is black-and-white and full of static.

The mystery plot is basically a suggestion. You can tell the writers were way more interested in seeing what kind of goofy faces they could get the lead actor to make rather than actually solving the crime. There's a moment in the second act where a door opens, and three different characters just... walk through it, one after another, like they’re waiting for a bus. It’s bizarre.

Speaking of bizarre, the supporting cast is huge. It feels like they invited the entire neighborhood to show up for the final scenes. At one point, I counted about fourteen people crowded into a room that looked like it could barely fit a card table. It gives the movie this frantic, claustrophobic energy that I actually kind of loved.

It definitely lacks the polish of a Hollywood production from the same era, like My Pal, the King, which had that shiny, big-budget glow. Bach détective is way grittier, and not in a cool way. It’s just... lived in. The audio crackles in a way that makes you feel like you’re sitting in the back of a damp theater.

I caught myself getting distracted by the background extras. There’s a guy in the back of one scene who spends the entire time trying to fix his tie and failing. It’s way more interesting than whatever the detective is saying.

The pacing is all over the place. Sometimes it sprints, then it just stops dead for a monologue about nothing. It’s not a good movie by any professional standard, but it’s got a pulse. It’s funny in the way that old jokes are—you see the punchline coming a mile away, but you laugh anyway because it's so earnest. 😅

If you’re looking for something that feels like a history lesson but acts like a clown show, give it a look. Just don't go in expecting a masterclass in screenwriting.