Born for Glory (1935) review - One sweaty guy vs a whole warship

Should you watch Born for Glory tonight? Well, if you love old-school, naval adventures where one guy with a rifle annoys an entire warship, then absolutely yes.

But if you can't stand early British talkies with that incredibly posh, stiff-upper-lip acting, you'll probably hate it. Everyone sounds like they have a marble in their mouth. ⚓

Let's talk about the plot. It starts with a British ship sinking, and the German's—who are surprisingly polite for 1914 film enemies—pick up some survivors.

One of them is Albert Brown, played by a very young John Mills. Honestly, John Mills looks about twelve years old here, wearing a sailor hat that is definitely too big for his head.

The German ship, the Zeithen, has to park near this rocky, miserable-looking island to fix its side. It's basically a giant pile of dirt and rocks in the middle of nowhere.

And that's where the movie gets fun. Or at least, weirdly specific.

Mills escapes with a rifle and some ammo, climbs up the rocks, and just starts shooting anyone on the ship who tries to do any work. It is the ultimate 'one guy ruining everyone's workday' scenario. 🎯

He is just sitting up there in the blazing heat, getting incredibly sunburned. His face looks like a piece of raw bacon by the end of the film.

Meanwhile, the German captain is getting more and more frustrated because they literally just want to fix a hole in their boat and leave. It is highly relatable content if you have ever tried to do home repairs.

I kept thinking about how this compares to other old historical dramas like Under the Red Robe. But those films usually have a lot more romance and fancy costumes.

This one is just... a sweaty guy on a rock.

There is this one German sailor who gets shot while holding a hammer, and the way he drops the hammer and rolls down a sand dune is just so dramatic. It made me laugh out loud.

The sound design is also hilariously bad. Every time a gun fires, it sounds like someone popping a dry paper bag next to the microphone. 💥

The editing is a bit of a mess too. Sometimes they cut to the British Navy sailing to the rescue, and those shots look like they were stolen from a completely different documentary.

There’s this weird lady character at the beginning, Betty Balfour, who plays Albert's mom in a flashback. It feels like she wandered in from a completely different movie, maybe something silly like Horse Play.

Her accent is totally different from everyone else's, and the whole prologue drags on for way too long. It is definitely the worst part of the film.

But once we get to the island, things pick up. It’s not a masterpiece, but its got this strange, stubborn charm.

Stuff I wrote down while watching:

• The German ship's captain has the most magnificent mustache in the entire 1930s cinema.
• Albert drinking warm water from a leather canteen and looking like he’s regretting every decision he’s ever made.
• The dramatic 'death roll' down the rocks that lasts about five seconds too long.
• The British rescue ships looking like tiny bathtub toys in some of the wide shots.

It’s a weird little piece of propaganda history. It’s clunky and the acting is stiffer than a board, but there’s something deeply satisfying about watching one annoyed British guy stop a whole warship with just a rifle.