Fast Bullets: A Quick Dose of Dust and Cowboy Stares

Is it worth your time?

If you live for the smell of old celluloid and horse sweat, Fast Bullets is a decent way to kill an hour. It’s for the folks who find comfort in the rhythmic click-clack of hooves and guys in hats yelling at each other in the desert. If you’re looking for a plot that makes sense without a diagram, you’re probably going to hate this.

The whole thing feels like it was filmed in a frantic afternoon. There’s no fat on this movie, mostly because there isn't much meat to begin with. Tom Tyler spends half the film just staring off into the middle distance while waiting for someone else to say a line.

I caught myself staring at a cactus in the background for a solid ten seconds because the dialogue got so repetitive. You know the kind—lots of "I’ll get you for this, Ranger" and "Not today, Travis."

There’s a specific moment where Jimmy has to pretend he’s still part of the gang, and the way he sweats through his shirt is almost more interesting than the actual standoff. It’s a classic trope, sure, but watching him try to act natural around guys who are clearly just waiting for their cue to start shooting is funny.

It reminded me a bit of the frantic energy in The Wild Westerner, though with way less charm. Sometimes these old westerns just move too fast to be good, or too slow to be exciting. This one just kind of exists in the middle.

The stunts are… well, they’re energetic. One guy falls off his horse in a way that looks like he just got tired of being on it. It happens in the background, totally unacknowledged. I had to rewind just to make sure I wasn't losing my mind. 🤠

Honestly, the ending comes out of nowhere. It’s like the writers just ran out of film and decided to wrap it up with a few shots fired into the dirt. It’s not profound, it’s not cinematic, it’s just a Tuesday in the Old West.

Bullet points from my notebook:

• The sound guy must have been asleep during the outdoor scenes.
• Tom Tyler’s hat is the real lead actor here.
• Someone really needed a snack on set; there is a lot of chewing going on.
• The horses look bored. I don't blame them.

It’s not trying to change the world. It’s just trying to get you to the credits before the sun goes down. Mission accomplished, I guess.