Sailors Beware! (1933) - Dumb, loud, and totally worth 20 minutes

Skip this if you are looking for high art, but if you have twenty minutes to waste on two sailors running around like idiots, Sailors Beware! is a pretty fun relic. Anyone who likes old-school slapstick where people fall over tables will dig it, but if you need a story that actually makes sense, you'll probably turn it off in five minutes. ⚓

The setup is so basic it barely exists. Matt McHugh and Bobby Dunn play these two sailors on shore leave who just want to chase girls and cause trouble.

Then some gang finds out one of them has a winning lottery ticket, and the whole thing turns into a giant, messy chase. It's basically one long, loud sprint.

Honestly, the plot is just an excuse for people to fall down. There's this one bit where a guy gets knocked into a giant pile of laundry that made me laugh way louder than it should of.

You also get a very young Walter Brennan popping up in a tiny role. It's wild seeing him here before he became everyone's favorite crusty old man in westerns.

The film has this frantic, cheap energy that reminds me a bit of Half Pint Polly, though maybe with a few more punched jaws. It doesn't look expensive, and half the sets look like they were put together five minutes before the cameras started rolling.

Also, Eugene Pallette is here! His voice is always like gravel rubbing together, and he just brings this instant grouchy energy that I always love.

Some of the jokes feel incredibly old, though. Like, stuff that was already dusty in 1933, especially a gag with a heavy-set woman that just... sits there and doesn't really land.

But when Bobby Dunn starts doing his frantic, eye-rolling panic routines, the movie works. The guy had a weird face that was just built for silent-era comedy, even though this is a talkie.

It's weird how these early sound shorts have so much noise. Everyone is constantly yelling, doors are slamming, and the background music never seems to stop for a breath.

If you've seen things like Meet the Boy Friend, you already know the vibe. Just pure, unrefined chaos designed to fill theater space.

Don't expect some masterpiece. Its just a dumb, loud, fast short that ends exactly when it runs out of steam.

Things I wrote down while watching:

• The laundry basket gag is still absolute gold.
• Walter Brennan looks incredibly young, almost unrecognizable.
• Why are the sailors' pants pulled up so high? It looks painful.
• That one stunt fall down the stairs looked like it actually hurt the guy.