Secret Agent: A spy movie that forgets to be a thriller

Is this actually worth the watch?

If you like old-school spy stuff and don't mind a movie that feels like it’s constantly changing its mind about what it wants to be, then yeah, give it a go. But if you’re looking for a tight, high-stakes thriller, you’ll probably find yourself checking your phone by the second act. It’s for the folks who like watching actors navigate awkward moral dilemmas rather than just watching explosions.

The whole thing feels a bit like it’s trying to juggle three different genres at once. One minute it’s a dark character study, the next it’s a slapstick comedy, and then suddenly we’re back to the somber business of assassination. It doesn't always land.

Peter Lorre is doing his own thing

Honestly, the only reason to stay awake during some of the slower patches is Peter Lorre. He plays this hair-trigger assassin with a grin that makes you wonder if he’s going to save the day or just burn the building down. Every time he’s on screen, the movie gets a little jolt of life that it really, really needs.

There’s this moment where he’s just sitting there, looking completely unbothered while everyone else is panicking about the mission. It’s oddly hypnotic. Most of the other characters feel like they’re reading from a manual on how to be a 'stoic British agent,' but Lorre feels like he just wandered off the set of Island of Lost Souls and decided to cause some chaos.

The moral heavy lifting

The movie really wants you to care about whether these guys should kill their target. I get it, duty versus conscience is a big theme. But the script hammers it home so hard that it starts to lose its impact. I think I got the point the first time, but the film insists on repeating it until I wanted to reach through the screen and tell them to just get on with it.

There are long stretches where nothing much happens except for people staring out of windows or looking stressed in fancy rooms. It feels a bit like Alimony in terms of its pacing issues—just slow, deliberate, and sometimes a little bit stale.

• The train sequences are surprisingly decent for the time.
• The plot makes some leaps that require you to turn your brain off for a bit.
• I really couldn't tell if the romance was supposed to be sweet or just depressing.
• There’s a bit of The Dying Swan kind of melodrama in the way people look at each other.

It’s not a masterpiece, but it’s definitely not a total dud either. It’s just… uneven. Like someone put a really good story in a blender with a bunch of filler scenes and hit 'pulse' a few too many times. Still, seeing the mechanics of old filmmaking at work is a trip.