Slave Ship: A murky trip on the high seas

Is it worth your time?

If you like old-school, slightly dusty seafaring dramas where everyone is yelling over the sound of creaking wood, sure. If you need a movie that makes sense or doesn't feel like it was stitched together from three different scripts, stay away. It’s for the folks who enjoy seeing stars like Wallace Beery just exist in a frame, even when the plot is busy sinking itself.

Wallace Beery is doing his usual thing here. He’s loud, he’s grumpy, and he’s clearly having a blast being the worst guy on the boat. It’s the kind of performance that makes you wonder if he actually read the script or just showed up and started growling at people. Honestly, I’m okay with that.

The whole premise of the 'new crew' is just shaky from the start. You'd think a Captain would notice if his first mate didn't actually swap out the crew, but apparently, Lovett has the situational awareness of a rock. It’s one of those movies where you just have to lean back and accept the stupidity because, hey, it’s a boat movie.

I found myself staring at the background extras more than the leads. There’s a guy in the back of the deck scene who looks like he’s bored out of his mind, probably waiting for his lunch break. Can’t blame him. Some of the storm scenes look like they were filmed in a bathtub, but there's a certain charm to the artificiality of it all. It doesn't look real, but it feels like it's trying really hard to be moody.

There’s this one moment where the camera lingers on a rope swinging in the wind, and it just stays there. It stays there for so long I started thinking maybe the projectionist fell asleep. It’s oddly hypnotic in a way I don't think was intentional.

It’s not as intense as Blood and Sand, which had a lot more bite to its drama. This one feels a bit more like a Sunday afternoon watch where you catch bits and pieces while doing laundry. Sometimes that’s all you really need, right?

The dialogue is thick with that old-timey nautical slang that sounds like it was written by someone who had only ever read about ships in a library. It’s charming, but don't expect it to feel authentic. It’s more like a play version of a sea story.

Notes from the couch:

• Wallace Beery’s eyebrows deserve their own credit in the film.
• The ship definitely wasn't going anywhere during most of the 'action' scenes.
• I’m still not sure why Nancy stayed on the boat for as long as she did.
• The lighting in the cabin scenes is incredibly dramatic for no reason.

It’s definitely not a classic, but it’s got enough grit to keep you watching if you’re already in the mood for an old flick. Just don't go looking for deep meaning. It’s a boat, it’s a bad crew, and it’s a lot of shouting. Sometimes, that’s just enough. ⚓