The College Girl: A messy, old-school melodrama

Is it worth your time?

Honestly, only if you have a very specific craving for black-and-white melodrama that feels like it’s being performed in a vacuum. If you’re looking for snappy dialogue or modern stakes, skip it. But if you like watching people stare longingly at each other across lecture halls while wearing period clothes, you might get a kick out of how earnest this whole thing is.

I wouldn't recommend this to anyone who gets impatient with slow-burn, stagey acting. It’s definitely not for the modern crowd that needs a new hook every five minutes.

The Vibe

There’s this weird, stiff energy to The College Girl. It’s like the actors were told to act like they’re in a library even when they’re screaming internally. You can practically hear the creak of the floorboards in every scene.

The professor is meant to be this brooding, poetic type, but he mostly just looks confused by his own lines. There’s a specific moment during a lecture where he holds a book so awkwardly that I thought he might drop it. Nobody else seemed to notice. It was hilarious.

The Jealousy Angle

The female instructor character is the real MVP of the mess. She spends half the movie lurking in doorways. It’s like she’s trying to be a shadow, but she’s wearing a coat that’s way too loud for stealthy spying.

Her reactions are so over-the-top that I found myself rooting for her more than the actual lead. She’s clearly bored out of her mind and just wants some chaos.

• The lighting in the classroom scenes is suspiciously bright. Like, are there twenty suns outside?
• The musical score feels like it was recorded in a basement.
• The sixteen-year-old lead is supposed to be wise beyond her years, but mostly just looks like she needs a nap.

Random Thoughts

The movie is a bit like Elisabeth und der Narr in how it treats romance as this giant, life-or-death tragedy. It takes itself so seriously that you want to giggle. I mean, it’s just college, right? But for these people, it’s the end of the world.

I kept waiting for someone to just talk like a normal human being. That never happened. Everyone speaks in these long, flowery sentences that take forever to get to the point. It’s exhausting.

There's a scene near the end that feels like it goes on for an eternity. The silence starts to feel less like tension and more like the film reel actually stopped spinning. You can almost feel the director trying to convince you that this breakup is the most important thing to ever happen in the history of cinema. Spoiler: It isn't.

Still, it’s got a weird charm. It feels like a relic from a time when acting meant looking pained at a wall. I don't know. It’s not great, but I didn't hate it. That’s probably the best you can say for a movie like this. 🎞️