The Riverside Murder: A messy, fast British mystery with Alastair Sim

If you have about an hour and you're in the mood for some old-fashioned British hush-hush, this is probably worth your time. It’s perfect for people who like those quick-fire mysteries where everyone wears a suit even when they are supposedly relaxing.

You’ll probably hate it if you need things like 'logic' or 'pacing that makes sense' to enjoy a movie. It’s very much a product of 1935, which means people talk really fast and the plot twists happen whether you're ready for them or not.

The whole thing kicks off with this guy Robert Norman. He’s an investor, which in these movies usually means he’s either a crook or about to be murdered. 🕵️‍♂️

Naturally, he gets killed before he can get to his meeting. Then we get the police moving in, but they aren't the only ones interested in the body.

Claire Haines, played by Judy Gunn, is this journalist who is basically vibrating with the need to impress her editor. She’s way more interesting than the actual detectives, mostly because she’s so pushy.

It reminds me a little bit of the energy in The Social Lion, where the characters are just trying so hard to climb the ladder. Claire doesn't care about the dead guy as much as she cares about the front page.

There is a scene early on where someone is using a telephone and they hold it so delicately. It’s such a small thing, but people in the 30s handled technology like it was made of thin glass.

Alastair Sim is the secret weapon

The best part of the movie is Alastair Sim. He isn't the main star here, but he has this way of looking at people that makes you feel like he knows a secret they don't.

He plays a character named Sargeant Piggott. Every time he’s on screen, the movie gets about 20% better. 📈

His face is just so expressive, even when he isn't saying anything. He’s much more fun to watch than the lead, Tom Helmore, who is fine but a bit... stiff?

Helmore plays the investigator, and he has that classic 1930s leading man hair that never moves, even during a struggle. It’s impressive, honestly.

There’s a bit where the camera lingers on a hat for a few seconds too long. I think it was supposed to be a clue, but it felt more like the cameraman just liked the hat.

The movie feels like it was filmed on about three sets. You can almost smell the dust on the curtains in the background of the office scenes.

It’s a bit like The Man Who Had Everything in the way it handles these wealthy, stuffy environments. Everyone has a motive because everyone wants more money.

The dialogue is sometimes so quick that I had to rewind a couple of times to catch who was related to who. Or maybe I just wasn't paying enough attention because I was looking at the wallpaper.

One guy gets accused of the crime and his reaction is just to look mildly annoyed. Like he missed a bus instead of being told he’s a murderer.

The ending comes at you like a freight train. It’s one of those 'let’s gather everyone in a room and explain everything in two minutes' situations.

I didn't really guess the killer, but that’s mostly because the movie didn't give me enough time to think. It just sort of... ended.

It’s not a masterpiece, and some of the acting is a bit wooden, like they were reading off cards. But for a 1935 b-movie, it has a certain charm that’s hard to find now.

If you’re looking for a deep dive into the human soul, go watch something else. If you want to see a guy in a trench coat solve a crime while a lady reporter bothers him, this is the one.

Wait, I forgot to mention the riverside. There is a river. It is near the murder. Hence the name. 🌊

• Pros: Alastair Sim’s eyebrows, fast runtime, 1930s fashion.
• Cons: The plot is a bit of a mess, the lead actor is kind of boring.

Check it out if it pops up on a streaming service for free. It's a good way to kill an hour on a rainy Sunday afternoon when you don't want to think too hard.