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7.3/10
Senior Film Conservator
A definitive 7.3/10 rating for a film that redefined the boundaries of cult cinema. The Three Bears remains a cornerstone of transgressive art.
Honestly, only if you have seven minutes to kill and a weird love for animation that looks like it was drawn by a caffeinated squirrel. If you are into film history or just love seeing how people used to interpret classic stories, you will have a decent time. If you need high-def, Pixar-level polish, you are going to hate this and probably leave a snarky comment.
The whole thing starts off with this very shaky, jittery energy. Goldilocks isn't just snooping around; she's basically a one-kid home invasion crew.
And the spaghetti. My god, the spaghetti.
There is a scene where she just dives into a bowl of noodles like she hasn't eaten in a decade. The animation is jarringly fast, which makes the whole thing feel slightly frantic, almost like the characters are trying to escape the frame before the ink dries.
It made me think of the manic energy in Red Hot Hoofs. Everything is constantly moving, even when it really doesn't need to be.
The bears themselves are just sort of… there. They are archetypes, not characters. You get the big one, the medium one, and the small one, and they basically exist to look surprised while Goldilocks does her thing.
There is this one moment where the chair breaks, and it lingers just a half-second too long. It is weirdly funny in a way I don't think was intentional. It feels like the animators were just as tired as the bears are.
It is not a masterpiece. It is barely a footnote. But it is honest, and it does not try to be anything more than a chaotic cartoon about pasta theft.
If you liked the vibe here, maybe go watch The Tamale Vendor next. It has that same kind of "what on earth am I watching?" charm that makes these old shorts work so well.
Don't look for a moral. There isn't one. Just enjoy the noodles.