Tovaritch: A weird, dusty look at Russian royalty doing chores

Should you watch this?

Honestly, only if you have a soft spot for black-and-white comedies that feel like they were pulled out of a time capsule. If you need pacing that matches modern standards, you’re going to be bored in about ten minutes. But if you like watching people act very stiffly while hiding very large secrets, it’s a weirdly charming way to burn an hour.

It’s the 1930s. Paris is fancy. But our leads, the General and his wife, are busy scrubbing floors.

The logic of it all

They have enough money in the bank to buy the whole city, but they refuse to touch it. It belongs to the Tsar, they say. It’s an insane level of loyalty that the movie plays for laughs, but I couldn't help but think about how much their hands must have hurt from all that dish soap. The commitment is almost terrifying.

There’s this moment where they’re serving dinner and you can see them struggling to stay in character as 'the help.' It’s the kind of subtle acting that reminds me a bit of the tension in A Waiting Maid, though this has way more political baggage.

The dialogue moves fast. Sometimes it’s too fast. You lose track of who is supposed to be who, and honestly, does it matter? The point is they are aristocrats pretending to be nobodies.

• The outfits are impeccable.
• The French accents are thick enough to cut with a knife.
• The butler character is tired. Just so, so tired.

It feels a bit like a stage play that someone accidentally filmed. Everything happens in rooms, and people walk through doors with perfect timing. It’s a bit stagey, maybe even a bit dusty by today’s standards. But there’s a rhythm to it that’s surprisingly infectious once you stop waiting for a car chase or something to explode.

I found myself staring at the background furniture more than the plot. Why is that vase there? Did they have electric lights in this exact room? These movies have this way of making 1930 look like a different planet entirely. It’s definitely not as gritty as some of the stuff you’d find in Hard Boiled, which is a totally different beast, but it has its own weird, polite charm.

The whole thing feels slightly off-kilter, like a joke you’re only partially in on. You’ll probably walk away wondering why they didn't just spend the money. But then, if they did, there wouldn't be a movie, would there? 🤷‍♂️