70,000 Witnesses: Why make a murder mystery so exhausting?

Is this actually worth your time?

If you like old-school detective procedurals that take themselves way too seriously, sure, give it a go. It’s for the folks who enjoy those dusty, black-and-white mysteries where everyone speaks in sharp, clipped sentences. If you hate slow-burn investigations or sports movies that don't actually care about the game, you’ll probably find this thing a total snooze. It’s definitely not a fast watch.

The whole premise is wild. A kid dies on the field, and instead of just, I don’t know, checking the water bottle or asking the locker room staff, the detective insists on re-enacting the entire football game. It feels like one of those strange, forgotten experiments, similar in its own odd way to The Mystery Club, where the logic is secondary to the spectacle of the setup.

Phillips Holmes is the guy caught in the middle of this mess. He looks like he’s constantly worried about his next line, which actually kind of works for the character. His brother, played by Lew Cody, is the classic slimeball. You know the type—the guy who’d sell his own cleats for a buck.

The middle act just drags on. There is a lot of staring at people in uniforms. The detective, David Landau, has this way of looking at suspects that makes you wonder if he’s solving the case or just trying to remember where he parked his car. It’s not exactly Courage in terms of emotional weight, but it’s got a weird, mechanical rhythm that’s hard to look away from.

Random notes from my notepad:

• The football gear looks like it’s made of cardboard and pure misery.
• The crowd scenes are somehow loud and totally empty at the same time.
• There is a moment where the referee just stands there for an uncomfortable amount of time. I think he forgot his lines.
• The dialogue sounds like it was written by someone who had only ever heard about football through a telegram.

It’s not a masterpiece. It feels like a movie that was made to fill a slot on a double bill, maybe right before a shorter, punchier flick like The Sawmill. It isn't trying to be deep or profound. It just wants to get you from the kickoff to the confession without too many detours.

Honestly, the best part is the sheer absurdity of the detective’s plan. Who has the budget to re-stage a whole college game? It’s the kind of over-the-top police work that you only see in movies from this era. It’s clunky, a little bit silly, and perfectly fine if you’ve got nothing better to do on a Tuesday afternoon. 🏈