Go-Get-'Em, Haines: A breezy, messy boat ride

Is it worth your time?

Look, if you are the kind of person who enjoys a rainy Sunday afternoon with a film that barely clocks in at an hour, you might find some charm here. If you need your plots to actually hold water, or if you get annoyed when characters make decisions that make zero sense, stay far away.

This is classic B-movie fodder. It feels like someone had a script outline and a boat ticket and just decided to start filming. William Boyd as Steve Haines is fine, I guess, but he carries himself like a guy who knows he is in a rush to get home by dinner.

The plot is basically a suggestion

Haines is a reporter. That is all we really get. He chases a tycoon onto a ship, and then suddenly we are doing the whole murder mystery shuffle. The transition is so jarring I thought I had missed a reel.

There is this moment where he is sneaking around the deck, and you can clearly see the lighting setup shift mid-scene. It is charming, in a way. Like watching a magic trick where you can see the rabbit hiding in the guy's sleeve.

Little things that stuck out

• The dialogue is incredibly snappy, mostly because nobody takes the time to finish a thought.
• I swear the same background extra walks behind Haines about four times in the dining room scene.
• The romance feels tacked on, like someone told the director, "hey, add a kiss in there, people like that."

It is definitely not as tight as Our Relations, which manages to balance its chaos way better. This film is more like The Oakdale Affair in its desperate need for a rewrite.

You can tell the budget ran out halfway through the third act. The final confrontation happens in what looks like a broom closet. It is almost funny how quickly they wrap up the murder case just so they can get to the credits. It’s a total mess, but at least it doesn’t overstay its welcome. Grab a drink, watch the ship sail, and don't think too hard about the motive for the crime. Nobody else did.