Here Comes Flossie! is just a mess of cows and bad decisions

So, Here Comes Flossie!. Is it worth your time? Only if you have a very specific, weird craving for vintage slapstick where the plot is thinner than a piece of deli ham. If you’re a fan of old-school comedy shorts, you’ll probably find something to chuckle at. If you need, I don't know, a coherent story or pacing that doesn't feel like a caffeine-addled squirrel, you’re going to hate this.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of Here Comes Flossie! (1933) through its definitive frames.

The whole premise is basically a setup for a joke that takes way too long to finish. Fifty bucks for a cow and a bride? Even for the time, that seems like a weird budget. But fine, we’re going with it. The confusion between the bovine Flossie and the human Flossie is the engine driving this whole train wreck.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of Here Comes Flossie! (1933) through its definitive frames.

Shemp Howard is doing his usual thing, which is mostly bug-eyed staring and making noises that sound like a radiator dying. There’s a moment where he’s trying to manage the cow that goes on for about thirty seconds too long. You can literally see the actor looking off-camera, waiting for someone to yell ‘cut’ so he can stop wrestling a farm animal.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of Here Comes Flossie! (1933) through its definitive frames.

It’s not quite as chaotic as The Battle of the Sexes, which at least had a bit of bite to its premise. Here, everything just feels dusty. The sets have that weird, flat look where you keep expecting a wall to tip over if someone leans on it too hard.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of Here Comes Flossie! (1933) through its definitive frames.

Things I noticed while trying to stay awake:

• The cow clearly didn't want to be there. I feel you, cow.
• The dialogue is mostly just people shouting names at each other.
• There is a door that opens and closes so many times I lost count. Why is the door in the middle of the room?
• The lighting makes everyone look like they’ve been living in a basement for three weeks.

It’s funny, I was watching this and thinking about The Squatter's Son. At least that one had a sense of place. Here Comes Flossie! feels like it was filmed in a shoebox. It’s got that frantic energy of a 1930s short that doesn't realize the joke wasn't funny the first time, let alone the twelfth.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of Here Comes Flossie! (1933) through its definitive frames.

The movie gets noticeably better once it stops trying to have a 'plot' and just lets the actors trip over stuff. That’s when the rhythm finally clicks. The rest of it? It’s just noise and mismatched names. 🐄

If you're looking for a masterpiece, keep looking. If you want to kill twenty minutes watching people get annoyed by a cow, well, here you go.