Why is nobody giving Eddie a drink? (Hollywood on Parade No. A-4)

Is it worth watching?

Honestly, only if you have a thing for dusty old studio backlots and seeing what Bing Crosby looked like when he was just starting to figure out he was Bing Crosby. If you hate slow, aimless archival fluff, skip this. It’s for the curious types who like to stare at the background of old movies.

Eddie Borden is our mailman here. He’s got this weirdly persistent mission to deliver mail, but mostly he just looks like he’s dying of thirst. It’s actually kind of funny, in a bleak way. He visits Richard Arlen and Jobyna Ralston, and he does this little dance of anticipation every time, waiting for a glass of water that never comes.

The whole thing is just a collection of cameos. You get Tom Mix, which is neat if you like cowboys, and then Mary Pickford shows up looking like royalty. She gives him a ride to the studio. That’s probably the high point, if you can call it that.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of Hollywood on Parade No. A-4 (1932) through its definitive frames.

There is something about the way these early Hollywood shorts just shove stars in front of the camera. It’s like they were trying to prove the studio actually existed. It reminds me a bit of the frantic energy in Ko-Ko's Germ Jam, though obviously way less chaotic and with fewer cartoons.

Eddie’s desperation is the only real "plot" here. He is literally the background character in everyone else’s life. It’s a bit like watching a side character in The Last Dance suddenly get shoved into the spotlight for no reason. He’s just a guy with a bag and a dry throat.

The pacing is… well, it’s not really pacing. It’s just stopping. Then starting again. Then stopping at another house. It’s a very weird, specific slice of 1930s PR. No one ever asks him if he’s doing okay. They just take their mail and keep on being legends.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of Hollywood on Parade No. A-4 (1932) through its definitive frames.

I found myself staring at the shrubbery in the background of Mary Pickford’s scene. It looked like it was made of paper. Classic, right?

If you want a real story, go watch A Sainted Devil. This isn’t that. This is just a glimpse at a world that was already pretending to be more glamorous than it actually was. Poor Eddie.

• Eddie really needs a water break.
• The cameos are surprisingly casual.
• The studio transition feels like a fever dream.

I guess it’s just one of those weird artifacts. You watch it, you wonder why it exists, and then you move on. But seriously, someone get that man a soda.