King Neptune: A Deep-Sea Fever Dream

Should you watch King Neptune? If you dig the frantic, rubber-hose energy of early animation, absolutely. It’s got a weird, frantic pulse that modern stuff just doesn't replicate. If you want a coherent plot or don't have patience for 1930s technicolor chaos, you’ll probably find it grating.

It’s barely eight minutes long, so it doesn't overstay its welcome. It just kind of explodes onto the screen.

The pirates are these grubby, menacing little guys with literal hooks for hands. They remind me of the nastier bits of The Strangler's Grip, if you can believe that. They look like they haven't bathed since the invention of the boat.

Then there is Neptune himself. He shows up looking like he’s ready to rearrange the entire ocean floor. The sheer scale of the animation when he starts tossing waves around is kind of wild. It’s not smooth, but it’s aggressive.

I found myself staring at the background fish during the big rescue sequence. They have these weird, blank eyes. It’s almost unsettling if you look too long. 🌊

The pacing is non-existent. It just goes from zero to a hundred in seconds. One minute you’re watching a calm underwater dance, and the next, there’s a giant squid or an octopus getting involved. I lost count of how many sea creatures were just sort of flailing around in the background.

It’s a bit like Waltzing Around, but replace the ballroom with a shipwreck and add a lot more salt water. It’s messy, sure. But it feels like it was made by people who were just having a blast drawing monsters.

Some of the fight choreography is just… silly. The pirates try to stab Neptune with their wooden legs, or maybe it’s a peg leg? It’s hard to tell with the motion blur. It’s definitely not on the level of The Honor of the Range, but it has its own goofy charm.

The way the water moves is kind of hypnotic. It doesn't look like real water, obviously. It looks like blue sheets being shaken by a caffeinated intern. It works, though.

I wasn't expecting to get so invested in a mermaid getting saved by a giant guy with a trident, but here we are. It’s a classic setup that doesn't need words. Just pure, unadulterated visual noise. 🐠

Don't look for deep meaning here. It’s just a bunch of fish fighting pirates. Sometimes that’s exactly what you need.