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6.6/10
Senior Film Conservator
A definitive 6.6/10 rating for a film that redefined the boundaries of cult cinema. Million Dollar Baby remains a cornerstone of transgressive art.
If you have a weird fascination with 1930s studio desperation, maybe. If you’re looking for a coherent story or a movie that treats its child actors with, uh, sanity? Stay away. It’s definitely a curio for people who like to dig through the bargain bin of history.
The whole premise is just wild. A couple of broke vaudevillians realize the studio is hunting for a girl, so they just... throw a wig on their son and hope for the best. It’s the kind of logic that only makes sense in a script written during a lunch break.
Jeanette Loff is trying her best to hold the frame together. I kept looking at the background extras, who seem more interested in the craft services table than the actual scene. There’s a moment near the middle where a door slams in the background for no reason, and nobody even flinches. It’s hilarious.
The movie moves at a pace that feels like it’s being chased by a debt collector. There’s no room to breathe between the frantic costume changes and the weird musical numbers. It makes The Birthday Party look like a slow-burn thriller in comparison.
I found myself wondering if this is what people actually found funny in the thirties. It’s just so frantic. It reminded me a bit of the chaotic energy in Doctors' Wives, but with more slapstick and fewer medical professionals.
There is this one shot of a studio executive looking at a clipboard that lasts way too long. He just stares at the paper, then at the camera, then back at the paper. It’s like he forgot his line and the director just decided to leave it in to save money on film stock. 🎥
It’s not good. But it’s not boring, either. It’s just this strange, tiny artifact of a time when Hollywood would try literally anything for a laugh. You don't have to watch it, but if you do, don't try to make sense of the plot. Just watch the curtains sway.