Nautical Nudes: A trip you might want to skip

So, is it worth your time?

Honestly, unless you are a die-hard fan of obscure 1930s curiosities, you can probably give Nautical Nudes a pass. It’s for the folks who dig those weird, forgotten B-movie reels found in a dusty basement. If you want a tight plot or high production values, you’re going to hate this one. Seriously, don't say I didn't warn you.

The whole setup is Joan and Millie heading out to Catalina for some sunshine and, well, less clothing. It feels like a home movie that accidentally got a budget. The pacing is all over the place, and there are long stretches where nothing happens except people looking at boats. 🌊

The "Plot"

There’s a guy following them, which is meant to add some tension. It mostly just adds a weird, uncomfortable vibe to the whole thing. It doesn't really have the same kind of punch as something like The Big Punch. The stakes feel low, even when they’re trying to make them sound high.

• The boat shots go on forever.
• The dialogue sounds like it was written on a napkin five minutes before filming.
• Someone definitely forgot their lines in the second act.

I found myself staring at the background extras more than the actual leads. There’s one guy in a hat who walks past the camera three times in five minutes. Was he lost? Maybe he was just trying to find the catering table.

This movie makes me think of The Littlest Rebel in terms of how it captures a specific time, but with way less charm. It’s not necessarily a bad film, but it’s certainly not a good one either. It just kind of exists. It’s like a sandwich with no filling.

The ending lands with a thud. I was actually relieved when the credits started rolling because I could finally stretch my legs. If you do watch it, maybe keep your phone handy. You’re gonna need it. 🙃