Revolt of the Zombies (1936) review: A wonderfully cheap, whiny mess

If you are looking for brain-eating monsters or spooky modern scares, you should skip Revolt of the Zombies right now. But if you have a soft spot for dusty, weird 1930s B-movies that feel like they were filmed in someone's backyard with three potted palms, this might be your jam. 🍿

It is definitely not a good movie, but it is a fascinatingly clunky one.

The story starts during World War I where we find out the French are using a secret regiment of Cambodian soldiers who cannot be killed. They do not feel pain because they are basically hypnotized, which is a pretty wild way to start a movie.

After the war, a group of scientists and soldiers go to Angkor Wat to find and destroy the secret zombie formula. This is where we meet our main guy, Armand, played by Dean Jagger.

Armand is incredibly whiny and has a really terrible mustache. He gets rejected by a girl named Claire, who prefers a much handsomer soldier with shiny boots.

So, what does Armand do? Naturally, he decides to steal the ancient zombie secrets so he can enslave everyone and force Claire to love him. 🙄

Talk about not taking rejection well.

The way the movie shows people being hypnotized is just hilarious. The screen goes dark and this super-imposed pair of glowing eyes appears over the actor's face.

The funny thing is, those are not even Dean Jagger's eyes. The filmmakers just stole close-up footage of Bela Lugosi's eyes from their previous movie, White Zombie, and hoped nobody would notice.

The acting here has some of that stiff, silent-era theatricality, kind of like what you see in Genuine: The Tragedy of a Vampire. Except here, it does not look artistic at all; it just looks like the actors are waiting for someone to yell "Cut!" so they can go home.

The zombies themselves are a total letdown. There is absolutely no makeup on them.

They are just regular guys in baggy military uniforms who look very tired and walk in slow motion. They look less like terrifying monsters and more like people trying to find their lost car keys in a dark parking lot.

Things I noticed while watching:

• The ancient temple sets look like they were made of painted cardboard and might fall over if someone sneezes.
• At one point, a guy bangs a giant temple gong, but the sound effect they used is a tiny, high-pitched metallic clink.
• The romantic rival has the most punchable face in 1930s cinema.
• There is a dog in the expedition scenes that looks very confused about why it is in Cambodia.

The movie is barely over an hour long, which is a blessing because the plot completely runs out of steam by the halfway mark. Armand just sits in his temple looking miserable while his zombie servants stand around doing absolutely nothing.

It is a shame because the idea of a guy using mind control to build a private army out of sheer pettiness is actually a fun concept. It is just executed with zero budget and very little energy.

Still, if you like laughing at old movies that take themselves way too seriously, this one is worth a quick watch on a lazy Sunday afternoon.