Rushin' Art: A Short Lesson in Knowing Nothing

Is it worth it?

Honestly, only if you like movies that feel like a stage sketch that went on a little too long. If you’re looking for a serious study on art history, you’re in the wrong place. If you enjoy watching a self-important guy trip over his own feet, you’ll probably have a decent enough time.

Edward Andrews plays the kind of guy who corrects your pronunciation of a painting’s name before you’ve even finished your coffee. He spends the first ten minutes acting like he’s the only person in the room who has ever seen a canvas.

The weird rhythm

The pacing is all over the place. One minute we’re in a stuffy room full of statues, and the next, the tension spikes for reasons that don't make much sense. It feels like The College Widow, but without the charm of a campus setting. There’s a scene where Miss Juliet just stands in the background looking confused, and I swear she was trying not to laugh.

The dialogue is snappy, maybe a little *too* snappy. Sometimes it feels like they’re racing to finish the script before the film stock runs out. It reminds me of the rushed energy in Pay Your Dues, where everything happens at 1.5x speed for no reason.

Odd little details

• The fake paintings look like they were made in someone’s garage during lunch.
• There’s a background character who keeps adjusting his tie every time the camera cuts to him. It’s hypnotic.
• The ending is abrupt. Like, "we ran out of money" abrupt.

I caught myself thinking about The Mild West while watching this. Why? I have no idea. Maybe it’s the way the sets feel like they could tip over if someone sneezed too hard. There’s a certain charm to that kind of low-stakes production, though. It’s not trying to be a masterpiece. It’s just trying to fill the slot.

Patricia Lynn does a lot of heavy lifting with her eyebrows. She’s the only one who seems to realize how ridiculous the whole situation is. Watching her try to keep a straight face while the lead rambles on about obscure Russian techniques is a highlight. 🎨

It’s a bit like watching a train wreck in slow motion, except the train is made of cardboard. Don’t expect to remember it tomorrow, but for twenty minutes? Sure, why not.