The Last Man (1932): A foggy, dusty trip to nowhere

Is it worth your time?

Look, if you like old, grainy movies where people talk with their teeth clenched and wear hats in the middle of the ocean, you’ll dig this. It’s got that specific, dusty 1932 vibe that feels like a fever dream you’d have after watching Bad Company back-to-back with some old newsreel. If you need pacing that makes sense or characters who don’t make baffling choices, steer clear. This one is for the folks who like their mysteries with a side of ‘wait, why are there twelve guys lined up on the deck?’

The whole thing kicks off in this thick, soupy fog that looks like they just dumped dry ice all over the set. When they board that ghost ship? Man. Finding twelve guys sitting in two rows like they’re waiting for a bus, while some old dude screams about being innocent? It’s a hell of a hook. You almost forgive the rest of the movie for not quite living up to that weird, creepy opening.

The detective work is… questionable

Our guy Bannister is supposed to be this sharp insurance detective, but he spends half his time acting like a guy who’s one bad day away from losing his mind. He’s investigating Wingate for scuttling ships, and his master plan involves luring everyone with a crate of fake gold. It’s the kind of logic you only see in movies from this era, where everyone is either a mastermind or a complete idiot, with no in-between.

The middle act turns into a real slog of guys wandering around the port and whispering in dark corners. It feels a bit like The Secret Garden if it were set in a sweaty, crime-ridden dockyard instead of a fancy estate. And don’t get me started on the fake gold. It’s iron. Obviously. But everyone acts like it’s the crown jewels, and watching them bicker over it is a special kind of exhausting.

• That opening shot of the abandoned freighter is actually kind of haunting.
• The dialogue? It’s stiff. Like, "I’m-reading-off-a-card" stiff.
• Watching a guy try to woo a woman while a ship full of murderers is right behind them is peak melodrama.
• The fight scenes are basically just people bumping into each other until someone falls down.

There’s this moment where Bannister is looking at Marian, and you can tell he’s trying to do that intense romantic gaze thing, but he just looks like he’s trying to remember if he left the stove on. It’s funny, in a way. You catch these little moments where the actors are clearly just waiting for the director to yell cut so they can go have a sandwich. 🥪

It’s not a masterpiece. It’s not even a particularly good mystery, really. But there’s something about the sheer weight of the plot—this mountain of bodies and insurance claims—that makes it stick in your head. It’s a weird, lopsided little film that just barely keeps its head above water. Kinda like the ship, I guess. ⚓️