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5.9/10
Senior Film Conservator
A definitive 5.9/10 rating for a film that redefined the boundaries of cult cinema. The Royal Bed remains a cornerstone of transgressive art.
If you like movies where the main guy looks like he’s constantly searching for a nap, you should definitely watch The Royal Bed. It’s for anyone who has ever felt like their job is just a giant series of interruptions to their actual hobbies.
If you want a serious, heavy-duty historical drama about the mechanics of government, you will probably hate this. It’s way too light for that. 👑
Lowell Sherman plays King Eric VIII, and honestly, he is a total mood. He doesn't want to sign papers or talk to generals; he just wants to play checkers with the help.
The way he looks at the chessboard is way more intense than the way he looks at his advisors. It’s the kind of performance that feels very modern, like he’s quietly making fun of everyone else in the room without them knowing.
Then you have the Queen, Martha. She is played by Nance O'Neil, and she is terrifying in that very specific 'strict 1930s lady' way.
She believes in Duty with a capital D. You can almost feel the air leave the room when she walks in.
When she leaves for a tour of America, you can practically hear the entire palace breathe a sigh of relief. I know I did. ♟️
So, the daughter, Princess Anne, is in love with the King's secretary, Freddie. This is a classic trope, but Mary Astor makes it work because she’s, well, Mary Astor.
She’s got this great face that tells you exactly how much she hates the fancy guy her mom wants her to marry. Prince William is the 'foppish' choice, and boy, is he ever foppish.
The movie gets interesting when the palace actually gets bombed. It’s a weirdly small-scale bombing, though.
One minute they are having a ball, and the next, there's some smoke and people are running around. It doesn't feel like a world-ending event; it feels more like a very loud party foul.
It reminded me a bit of the sudden tension in The Mighty, but without the heavy gloom hanging over it. This movie doesn't want you to be sad; it wants you to be amused by how much of a mess everything is.
The best part of the movie is seeing Eric actually talk to the revolution leader. He doesn't act like a high-and-mighty royal.
He listens to the guy because, deep down, he probably agrees that the government is annoying. He makes a deal to get rid of the mean dictator, General Northrup, which is the most work he’s done in years.
There is this one scene where the King is manipulating the situation and you see a little spark in his eye. He’s realized that politics is just a bigger game of checkers.
It’s a lot more engaging than something like Gold Madness where everyone is just yelling about stakes. Here, it’s all about the clever side-eye and the well-timed joke.
I did find the ending a bit rushed, though. The Queen comes back, and you think she’s going to win, but the King pulls a fast one.
He marries the Princess to the commoner himself right before the official wedding. It’s a total power move. 💣
It’s not as emotionally draining as Mother, which is a blessing if you’re just looking for a weekend watch. It feels like a little secret you found in a dusty box of old tapes.
The film doesn't try to be a masterpiece. It just wants to show you a guy who finally stands up to his wife and his job at the same time.
Sometimes the sound quality gets a bit scratchy, but that’s just part of the charm. You can tell they were still figuring out where to put the microphones.
Overall, it’s a solid 75 minutes of watching a guy realize he actually has a spine. And the checkers scenes are unironically the best part.
Go watch it if you're tired of your boss. It might give you some ideas. Or just make you want to play checkers. Either way, it's a win.
IMDb 6.7
1931
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