The Scalpel: A weird, thyroid-injecting mess

Is this thing worth your time?

Honestly, only if you’re the type of person who finds joy in unintentional comedy and bargain-bin gore. If you want a smooth, well-oiled horror flick, look elsewhere. You will probably hate this if you get annoyed by long stretches of silence and actors who seem to be reading their lines off a napkin taped to the camera.

The whole premise is just absurd. A doctor decides the best way to advance science is by jabbing a needle directly into his own thyroid. Ouch. Who even thinks of that? It’s the kind of decision-making that usually gets you kicked out of medical school, not featured in a movie.

Notes from the couch

• The transformation scenes are… well, let's just say they rely heavily on lighting tricks to hide the lack of budget.
• There is a moment where the doctor is just staring at a wall for what feels like a solid hour. I checked my watch twice.
• Frank Buty looks like he’s trying his best, but the script gives him absolutely nothing to work with besides grunting and looking distressed.

This movie makes The Reapers look like an Oscar winner in comparison. There’s a clunkiness to the way scenes shift that makes you wonder if they just ran out of tape and decided to call it a day. It’s not graceful, but it has this weird, grimy charm that I couldn't quite look away from.

I found myself laughing at the monster’s makeup. It looks a bit like someone glued leftover kitchen sponges to a mannequin and hoped for the best. 🧟‍♂️ You can almost feel the crew shrugging in the background, just trying to get the scene finished before the sun went down.

Sometimes, movies like this end up feeling like Just Another Murder where the plot just meanders until everyone is dead or gone. There’s no big, grand conclusion here. The film just sort of peters out like a balloon losing air.

It’s not a good movie by any stretch of the imagination. But it’s definitely memorable in the way a car crash is memorable. You watch, you cringe, you move on with your life. Don't take it too seriously, because the movie definitely didn't.