The Scarab Murder Case: A Stuffy Afternoon at the Movies

Is it worth your time?

Honestly? Only if you really, really love the sound of mid-Atlantic accents bouncing off library walls. If you’re looking for something that moves faster than a tectonic plate, look elsewhere. People who want a sharp, punchy thriller will probably find this thing a total snooze fest. It’s definitely for the crowd that treats movies like a crossword puzzle.

Philo Vance is supposed to be this genius detective, but mostly he just stands around looking like he’s bored out of his skull. The whole movie feels like it was filmed in a basement that hadn’t been dusted since 1930. Every time someone starts explaining a clue, I found myself checking my phone to see if I’d left the stove on.

Odd little things

• The wallpaper in the study is genuinely distracting. I spent five minutes trying to figure out if it was peeling or just a weird design choice.
• There’s a moment where a character drops a glass, and the sound effect is delayed by a full second. It’s painfully noticeable.
• The lighting makes everyone look like they haven’t slept in a week. Maybe they hadn't?

I’ve seen a lot of these old detective flicks, and they usually have a bit more spice, sort of like the charm you’d find in Secret of the Blue Room. This one just lacks that snap. It’s all talk, no walk.

The dialogue is so clipped and formal it feels like they’re reading from a manual on how to be polite while accusing people of murder. *Yikes.* At one point, Vance spends three minutes explaining a scarab—which is the title object, by the way—and I think I drifted off for a second. It just doesn’t have the kinetic energy of something like San Francisco, which at least knows how to stage a scene.

There’s a weird lack of tension for a murder movie. You’d think someone dying in a house full of rich, grumpy people would be exciting. Instead, it’s mostly just people moving chairs around and sighing heavily. It’s not necessarily bad, it’s just... quiet. Maybe a bit too quiet. 🕵️‍♂️

If you're a completist for these types of mysteries, go ahead. Just maybe keep some coffee nearby. You’re gonna need it. ☕