Wee Willie Winkie: Shirley Temple Does India

Is it worth your time?

If you have a high tolerance for 1930s sentimentality and want to see how they used to make 'em, sure. It’s a total relic. If you’re allergic to dated colonial attitudes or Shirley Temple’s aggressive brand of adorable, skip it. You will probably hate it. Honestly, it’s not for everyone, but it’s fascinating if you’re into the history of how movies just... were.

Shirley is, as expected, a powerhouse. She marches around that fort like she owns the place, correcting soldiers and making C. Aubrey Smith look like a total softie. It’s pretty wild watching her try to charm a bunch of bearded guys in the middle of a desert outpost. 💂‍♂️

The vibe is strange.

The whole thing feels like a stage play that got lost in the desert. The sets are clearly sets, you know? There’s this one scene where she’s wandering through the hills and the painted backdrop looks like it might blow away if someone sneezed too hard. It’s charming in a 'they really tried' kind of way.

There is also this weird tension where she just walks into a rebel camp, and somehow nobody kills her. It makes zero sense, but then again, these movies weren't trying to be documentaries. It’s all about the 'Temple Magic.' She cries on command. She salutes. She fixes everything.

• That one scene where she teaches the soldiers how to march is peak 1930s comedy.
• The uniforms are way too clean for a dusty outpost in India.
• Cesar Romero is having way too much fun with that turban.

I found myself thinking about KoKo the Kop while watching this, mainly because both films rely so heavily on a character just wandering into dangerous situations and coming out fine because of, well, plot armor. It’s a recurring theme in older cinema, isn't it? Just keep walking and hope the bad guys are busy.

The movie gets noticeably better when it stops trying to be a drama about the 'Crown' and just lets Shirley be a kid. The stuff with the grandfather is a bit stiff. You can almost feel the script begging you to care about the military politics, but I really didn't. I just wanted to see what she’d say next to the guy guarding the gate.

It’s not a masterpiece. It’s a time capsule. Some moments are genuinely sweet, and others are just plain uncomfortable by today's standards. But, you know, it’s Shirley Temple. She’s gonna do her thing regardless. 🎞️