Young Onions: A dusty, weird little marital comedy

Is this actually worth the time?

Honestly, only if you’re a complete sucker for 1930s domestic chaos. It’s the kind of movie that assumes cheating is a funny hobby rather than a life-ruining decision. If you prefer your comedies to actually make sense, or if you find the 'bored wife/creepy husband' trope exhausting, you’re going to hate every second of this. It’s light, sure, but it’s the kind of light that gives you a headache.

The whole thing kicks off with Dorothy staring at her husband Alfred like she’s waiting for him to just evaporate into thin air. He snores. That’s the entire character conflict. She wants romance, and because this is a movie from this era, the solution is immediately to go to Mexico with a guy she barely knows. Because that always works out, right?

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of Young Onions (1932) through its definitive frames.

Then there’s Alfred. He isn’t exactly a catch either. He decides that since the wife is gone, he’s basically a teenager again and heads to the beach to stalk surf cuties. It’s remarkably creepy, though I suspect the filmmakers thought it was charming. It reminded me a bit of the frantic, mismatched energy in Cold Feet, though with significantly less charm.

Oddly specific notes:

• There’s a scene where someone is eating dinner and the sound editing makes it sound like they’re chewing on gravel. It was genuinely distracting.
• The background extras in the Malibu scenes look like they’re actively trying not to look at the camera. One guy in a striped shirt just stands there for three minutes straight.
• Dorothy’s hat in the second act is truly something else. It looks like it’s fighting to stay on her head.

The pacing is all over the place. One minute we’re in a quiet living room, and the next we’re in a loud, bustling travel sequence that feels like it was filmed on a completely different planet. It’s not smooth. It’s not polished. It just sort of happens.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of Young Onions (1932) through its definitive frames.

It definitely lacks the sharp edges you’d find in something like The Spendthrift. There’s no real bite here, just a lot of people making bad choices and yelling about them. The dialogue feels like it was written in a rush between lunch breaks. Every time a character says something that’s supposed to be a 'witty' retort, the scene just goes dead silent for a beat too long.

Maybe it’s just me, but I spent most of the runtime wondering why these people were even married in the first place. There’s no spark. There’s no history. There’s just two people who seem to actively dislike each other’s existence. 🤷‍♂️

It’s not a masterpiece, and it’s certainly not going to change your life. It’s just a weird, dusty relic of a movie that doesn't quite know what it wants to be. If you’re into that sort of thing, have at it. Otherwise, maybe just watch the waves in the Malibu scenes and tune out the rest.