The Uncompromising Voice of E.H. Calvert: Decoding The Slim Princess

Gloom overcasts the palace of Count Selim Nalagaski, governor general of Morovenia, Turkey. All efforts to make the count's elder daughter, the Princess Kalora, fat, synonymous with beauty in that country, have failed. Popova, the Princess's tutor, devises a terrible revenge because the count called him a Christian dog. He feeds the princess pickles to keep her thin. The beaux of the country pay assiduous court to the Princess Jeneka, the younger daughter, but the laws of the country forbid her marrying before her elder sister. As a last resort the count orders the slim princess to stuff her clothing with pillows and invites all the dandies to a garden party. But they are deceived. They try the weight of the princess and find her as light as a feather. Coming uninvited to the party is Alexander H. Pike, an American millionaire. He falls in love with the princess and comforts her by showing her pictures in a magazine, proving that in his country slim persons are considered most beautiful. But Pike is discovered by the count's slaves and barely escapes with his life. He returns to America. The count finds an advertisement in a magazine Pike had dropped in his flight, which promises to make thin persons fat. He sends the princess to America to try the cure. T'here she meets Pike, who renews his courtship. But the impatient count learns from the ambassador that the princess is getting no fatter and orders her to return. Pike follows. The young American then visits the court, tells the count he is Grand Exalted Ruler of a fraternal order, a Knight Templar and King of the Hoo Hoos, and asks for the hand of his daughter. The count, much impressed with the titles, consents, especially after he finds that it is the slim princess the American loves. The cloud of gloom is lifted from the palace and Pike prepares to leave with the princess for America, where she can have all the varieties of pickles to suit her taste.