I finally watched Hitchcock’s lost short An Elastic Affair and it's... something

If you are looking for a masterpiece that explains why hitchcock is the master of suspense, keep walking. This isn't that. Honestly, unless you are a total completionist who needs to see every frame the man ever shot, you might find this pretty skippable. 🍿

It was made for a magazine called 'Film Weekly' to show off these two kids who won a scholarship. Cyril Butcher and Aileen Despard. They look terrified. Well, maybe not terrified, but they definitely look like people who just won a contest and were told, 'Hey, Alfred Hitchcock is going to direct you for ten minutes, don't mess up.'

The whole thing is built around a joke about a garter. Yes, a garter. It’s the elastic in the title. It’s the kind of humor that probably felt cute in 1930 but now just feels like a long walk for a very small sandwich. 🥪

The vibe of a screen test

It doesn't feel like a movie. It feels like you’re watching someone’s audition tape that accidentally got a budget. Cyril Butcher has this very specific way of standing where he looks like he's trying to remember if he left the stove on. It’s charming in a weird, clunky way.

Aileen Despard is better. She has these eyes that actually catch the light. You can see why she won the contest. But the script—if you can call it that—doesn't give her much to do besides look slightly annoyed and then slightly amused. It reminds me of the simple acting in Snow White, where everything has to be big so the back row gets it.

There is one shot where the camera just sits on them for a few seconds too long. You can almost hear the silence on the set. It’s that awkward early talkie energy where nobody is quite sure when to stop moving their face.

I found myself wondering if hitchcock was even paying attention or if he was just checking his watch. There are no shadows, no weird angles, none of the stuff he did later. It’s flat. Like, pancake flat. 🥞

It’s a bit like watching Call of the Cuckoo where the novelty of just seeing the actors is supposed to be enough. It isn't really enough anymore, but as a historical fossil, it’s kind of neat.

Wait, why does this exist?

The whole point was to launch these two careers. It didn't really work. Aileen did a few more things and then basically vanished. Cyril became a TV director later, I think? It’s a bit sad watching it knowing they were the 'next big things' and then... they weren't. 📉

The humor is very 1930s 'nudge-nudge, wink-wink.' The garter snaps, people get embarrassed, the end. It makes Dangerous Curve Ahead look like a gritty thriller by comparison. Actually, that's a lie, but you get what I mean.

I caught a glimpse of a shadow on the back wall that I’m 90% sure was a crew member moving a light. Or maybe it was just a smudge on the film. Either way, I liked the smudge more than the dialogue.

If you enjoy seeing how the gears of the studio system worked—how they manufactured 'stars'—then you'll get a kick out of this. It’s a piece of marketing disguised as a short film. A very brief piece of marketing.

Is it funny? Not really. Is it well-shot? Nope. But it’s ten minutes long. You’ve wasted ten minutes on worse things. I once spent twenty minutes trying to find a matching sock. This was better than that.

Some stuff I noticed:

• The way Cyril handles the elastic is so awkward it becomes the most interesting part of the scene.
• Aileen’s hat is incredible. It looks like it might fly away if she sneezes. 👒
• The sound quality is... well, it’s 1930. Everyone sounds like they are talking through a tin can filled with wool.
• There is a moment where Aileen looks directly at the lens for a split second and you can see her soul leaving her body from nerves.
• The pacing is weirdly fast but also feels like it takes forever? Time is a circle.

Actually, I think the most Hitchcockian thing about it is how much he clearly didn't care about the plot. He just wanted to get through the day. We've all been there. It’s more relatable as a 'bad day at work' than as a piece of art.

If you're bored, check out The Tangle instead if you want something with actual stakes. But if you want to say you've seen 'The Lost Hitchcock,' then here you go. Just don't expect Psycho. Or even The Lodger. Expect a garter joke and some stiff collars. 👔

"It's the kind of film that exists mostly so historians have something to write about in the footnotes of much better books."

I’m glad I saw it, but I’ll probably forget I saw it by tomorrow morning. It’s like a dream you have after eating too much cheese. Vague, slightly confusing, and ends right when it starts to get somewhere.

Anyway, it's fine. It's just fine. Don't overthink it. hitchcock certainly didn't. 👋