Freaks (1932) review - Still the weirdest, most uncomfortable movie you'll ever love

If you have never seen Freaks, you need to fix that tonight. It is an absolute trip that still feels incredibly modern, even though it came out way back in 1932. People who love dark, dusty history and movies that don't play by the rules will absolutely love this. But if you get easily squeamish or want a polished Hollywood horror with cheap jump scares, you will probably hate it. 🎪

I watched this late last night with a cold cup of coffee, and it still feels sticky. It is only about an hour long, but it lingers in your head like a weird dream you can't shake off.

The story is pretty simple. A little person named Hans falls madly in love with Cleopatra, a gorgeous but incredibly mean trapeze artist.

Hans is rich, and Cleopatra only wants his money. She is secretly seeing the strongman Hercules, and together they plan to poison Hans after the wedding to get his cash.

But the real heart of the movie is the actual sideshow performers that director Tod Browning hired. Back then, Hollywood had absolutely no idea what to do with this movie, and honestly, audiences were terrified.

There is this one scene where Prince Randian, who has no arms or legs, lights a cigarette. He uses only his mouth to strike the match and light it. I had to rewind the movie three times just to watch it again because it is genuinely the coolest thing I have ever seen on screen. 🚬

He is smoother than most actors today, seriously.

Then you get to the famous wedding banquet scene. The "One of us!" chant is famous, but seeing it in context is actually super uncomfortable.

Cleopatra gets drunk, laughs right in their faces, and pours champagne all over Hans. You can feel the room go dead cold. The camera just hangs on her cruel face for a second too long.

Compared to standard 1930s dramas like Kept Husbands, which is all about polite marriage bickering, this movie goes straight for the throat.

Random notes I scribbled down:

• The conjoined twins (the Hilton sisters) talking about a guy kissing one of them. It is weirdly sweet but also kind of mind-boggling how they filmed it.
• The background noise of the wind during the outdoor scenes. It sounds so empty and lonely, like they filmed it on the edge of the world.
• Hercules trying to sing. It is so bad, I actually laughed out loud.

The ending is where things get legendary. It is pouring rain, mud is everywhere, and the performers are crawling under the carriages in the dark with knives. 🌧‍️

It looks like a real nightmare. You don't even see the actual violence clearly, just dark shapes moving through the wet grass.

And what they do to Cleopatra... jeez. That final shot of her as the "chicken lady" is deeply disturbing and will probably haunt my sleep tonight.

Some of the acting from the "normal" actors is pretty bad, to be honest. Wallace Ford is okay, but some of the lines are delivered like they are reading off a grocery list.

But who cares about that? That is not why you are watching this.

It is a movie that makes you feel dirty but also deeply sympathetic. The "freaks" are actually the only ones with a real code of honor here, while the "normal" people are monsters.

Anyway, it is short, it is weird, and it is definitely going to stick in your brain for a long time.