Gridiron Flash: A Forgettable Field Trip

Honestly, you probably don't need to watch Gridiron Flash. Unless you are some kind of completionist for mid-thirties sports dramas or you just really, really miss the aesthetic of old collegiate bleachers, it is going to feel like a slog. People who like snappy dialogue or actual stakes might want to look elsewhere.

The whole premise is just wild. The coach thinks the secret to a championship isn't training or strategy, but rather getting a guy out of the clink and putting him in a jersey. It makes about as much sense as the plot of The Traveling Salesman, though at least that one has a clearer goal. Here, everything just sort of happens.

Betty Furness is stuck in the role of the niece, and you can almost see her trying to find something to do in the background of these scenes. She spends a lot of time looking concerned while men shout about football plays. It is not exactly a masterclass in character development.

There is this one scene near the middle where they’re talking about the game plan, and it goes on for what feels like an eternity. The camera just sits there. It’s like the director forgot to yell cut, so everyone just stands around shifting their weight. It’s deeply awkward.

I kept waiting for the tension to kick in, but the movie is strangely comfortable with just coasting. It lacks the grit you might expect from a story about a bank robber trying to go straight. It feels more like a lighthearted romp that accidentally stumbled into a prison yard.

The football scenes are... well, they are something. If you squint, they look like football. If you pay attention, you realize they are mostly just guys running into each other while the camera tries to hide the fact that nobody really knows how to play. It has that same shaky-budget vibe I remember from Breed of the West.

Walter Brennan is in this, which is always a treat, even when he isn't given much to chew on. He brings a bit of actual personality to a script that otherwise feels like it was put through a blender of sports clichés.

It’s not a bad movie, really. It’s just kind of there. It is the cinematic equivalent of a cold sandwich. You eat it because it’s in front of you, but you aren't going to tell your friends about the flavor.

• The coach's office looks like it hasn't been cleaned since the turn of the century.
• The football jerseys are remarkably clean for a game being played in a mud pit.
• There is a background extra in the second act who is clearly looking directly into the lens for a solid five seconds.
• The ending is so abrupt you might think your player skipped a chapter.