House of Greed Review: A Masterclass in Pure Russian Misery

If you want to feel incredibly good about your own messy family, you should watch House of Greed tonight. But if you hate slow, black-and-white Soviet misery where everyone is constantly screaming or weeping over money, please stay far away.

It is basically a 90-minute parade of awful people being awful to each other in dark, dusty rooms. You can almost smell the damp wallpaper.

The movie is based on that old Saltykov-Shchedrin novel about the Golovlyov family, and boy, it does not skimp on the gloom. Vladimir Gardin plays Porfiry, a man they call "Judas," and he has this incredibly creepy way of smiling while ruining his relatives' lives.

He looks like a wet owl. Truly.

He constantly prays to icons and talks about God's will while quietly stealing his brother's inheritance. It reminded me a bit of the domestic misery in The House Built Upon Sand, though this one is much more screechy.

There is this one scene where a mother is yelling at her sons, and the camera just sits there on her angry face for so long. I actually had to check if my player had paused.

The sound design is really weird too. Since it is from 1933, the microphones clearly could not handle the actors shouting, so the audio gets all fuzzy and crackly when anyone gets angry.

It sounds like they are shouting through a tin can filled with dry leaves. 🍂

Porfiry is the main attraction here. Gardin plays him with this weird, hunched-over posture that makes you want to wash your hands after watching him.

He has these long, bony fingers that he keeps rubbing together like he is trying to cast a cheap spell.

Honestly, the middle part of the film drags a lot. People just sit in dark parlor rooms arguing about rubles and land deeds while candles flicker.

You get the sense that the director, Aleksandr Ivanovsky, really wanted us to hate the old landlord class. Like, okay, we get it, they are greedy and gross!

But then there is this niece character who returns from the city, and her acting is so wildly theatrical it belongs in a different movie. She flings her arms around like she is trying to catch a escaping bird.

By the time the snow starts falling at the end, you are just waiting for the misery to wrap up. It is not a fun watch, but it has this heavy, sticky atmosphere that stays with you.

It is like looking at a very dusty, very sad museum exhibit about bad vibes.

Didja notice?

• That one candle that looks like it is about to set the tablecloth on fire in the background of the dining scene.
• How everyone's hair is incredibly greasy. Like, did they not have soap in 19th-century Russia?
• The weirdly loud ticking clock that disappears and reappears in the audio mix for no reason.
• The servant who just stands in the corner looking like he regrets every life choice that brought him to this house. 😐