How to Take a Bath is... well, exactly what it says

Is this a movie?

Honestly, I'm not entirely sure. If you're looking for a plot, or even a vague sense of conflict, look elsewhere. You will probably hate this if you want something to actually happen on screen. But if you’re the kind of person who enjoys watching old, dusty instructional clips just to see how people used to talk to a camera, you might find a weird charm here. 🛁

Elaine Barrie just kind of talks at you. It’s very direct. She’s explaining the mechanics of a bath like it’s a high-stakes government operation. There’s a strange, clipped rhythm to the whole thing that reminded me a bit of the frantic energy in London, though obviously for entirely different reasons.

The weirdness of it all

There is no music to speak of, which makes the whole experience feel slightly unsettling. It’s just the sound of a voice and the occasional clink of water. At one point, I started wondering if I was watching a lost scene from Her Lucky Day, though again, the comparison is a total stretch. My brain just likes to find patterns in the static.

• The lighting is surprisingly flat.
• The dialogue is so monotone it borders on hypnotic.
• I think I zoned out for a solid two minutes around the halfway mark.

It’s not trying to be Napoléon Bonaparte. It isn't trying to be anything other than a very literal guide. Sometimes, movies like this are better when you stop trying to 'get' them. Just let the bath water run, I guess.

I found myself staring at the background textures more than listening to the instructions. There's a specific quality to the film grain that feels like it belongs in something far more dramatic, like Der Student von Prag, but instead, it’s being used to document a lady getting into a tub. The disconnect is fascinating in a way I can't fully explain.

It’s short. Thank god it’s short. If this went on for another five minutes, I think I would have started hallucinating. 🫧