I Am a Thief: A Quick Trip on the Orient Express

Is it worth your time?

If you like movies that know how to get in and get out, you’ll dig I Am a Thief. It is short, punchy, and doesn't try to be anything more than a fun little train heist.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of I Am a Thief (1934) through its definitive frames.

If you need deep character studies or grand cinematic statements, stay away. This is pure, low-budget comfort food for fans of old-school mystery setups.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of I Am a Thief (1934) through its definitive frames.

The whole thing feels like it was put together in a weekend, which is actually a compliment. Everyone is on a train, everyone is lying, and there’s a necklace that seems to be the only thing keeping the plot moving forward.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of I Am a Thief (1934) through its definitive frames.

Mary Astor is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. She has this way of looking at people that makes you wonder if she’s about to steal their watch or fall in love with them. It’s hard to tell, and that’s the best part.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of I Am a Thief (1934) through its definitive frames.

Train tracks and trouble

The pacing is fast. Maybe too fast? Sometimes you barely get to know someone before they’re being interrogated or running down a hallway. It reminded me a bit of the frantic energy in The Misleading Lady, where things just sort of happen to people until the credits roll.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of I Am a Thief (1934) through its definitive frames.

There is this one shot of a dining car that lasts maybe five seconds, and for some reason, I just couldn't stop looking at the wallpaper. It’s peeling in the corner. You can tell they were working with a shoestring budget, but it actually adds to the grimy charm of the whole affair.

• The train set looks like it might tip over if someone sneezed too hard.
• The dialogue is sharp, but some of the actors clearly didn't get the memo on how to deliver a punchline.
• Dudley Digges is fantastic at playing someone who you just know is up to no good from the second he walks on screen.

There are no big, sweeping speeches. Just a lot of people in cramped rooms trying to outsmart each other. It’s refreshing, really. No one is trying to explain the "human condition" here. They’re just trying to get the goods.

Is it perfect? Not even close. There’s a scene near the end that feels like it was spliced together from a completely different movie, but honestly, it’s funny enough that I didn't care.

If you have an hour to kill, put this on. It won’t change your life, but it’s a decent way to spend a rainy afternoon. Just don't expect the train to actually arrive anywhere interesting.