If I Had a Million: Watching rich people give away money is surprisingly fun

Is it worth your time?

If you like old-school Hollywood anthologies and don't mind that the quality shifts every fifteen minutes, then yes. It’s a total time capsule. If you need a tight, singular plot that makes sense from start to finish, you will probably hate this.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of If I Had a Million (1932) through its definitive frames.

The whole premise is just deliciously spiteful. A dying tycoon decides to spite his own family by handing out his millions to random people. Watching him go through a phone book like he’s picking teams for dodgeball is just delightful.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of If I Had a Million (1932) through its definitive frames.

The segments are all over the place. Some are genuinely touching, others are basically just excuses for Vaudeville-style bits. W.C. Fields shows up and, honestly, he’s doing his own thing entirely. It’s like he wandered onto the set from another movie and nobody had the heart to tell him to stop.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of If I Had a Million (1932) through its definitive frames.

There’s this one part with Charles Laughton that is just pure, concentrated joy. He’s a downtrodden clerk who finally snaps. Watching him walk into his boss's office and just... well, I won't spoil it. But the look on his face is priceless. It’s the kind of acting you don't really see anymore, where the silence does all the heavy lifting.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of If I Had a Million (1932) through its definitive frames.

• The editing feels like a fever dream sometimes. You go from a tear-jerker to a slapstick routine without a second to breathe.
• Gary Cooper is in this, but he’s barely there. He’s basically a glorified cameo, which is strange given his star power.
• The sets have that very specific, cramped look of the 1930s. Everything feels like it's happening inside a dollhouse.
• I spent way too much time wondering if I’d actually be happy with a million dollars in 1932. Probably not, I’d just buy a better chair.

It’s not perfect. Some of the segments drag, and a few of the "poor folks" characters are a bit too cartoonish for my taste. But it’s got this weird, chaotic energy that keeps you moving forward. It’s definitely more interesting than The Duchess of Doubt, which felt like a total snooze by comparison.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of If I Had a Million (1932) through its definitive frames.

The movie doesn't really have a 'point' other than showing how money changes people, or doesn't. Sometimes it’s sweet. Sometimes it’s just pure, unadulterated petty revenge. And I am here for it.

If you find yourself watching this, just roll with the weird shifts in tone. It’s not meant to be a grand statement on life. It’s a collection of sketches, and like any sketch show, some land and some just kind of sit there. But when it lands? It’s fantastic.

Oh, and keep an eye on the background extras. They look like they are genuinely confused about where they are half the time. It’s hilarious.