Lockspitzel Asew: A dusty, weird spy flick

Is this for you?

If you love grainy, old-school black and white spy stuff, maybe. If you want a movie that moves faster than a turtle, look elsewhere. Honestly, most people today would probably get bored five minutes in.

Watching Lockspitzel Asew is a bit like visiting an attic full of old, heavy furniture. It’s dense, it’s a little uncomfortable, and you can’t help but wonder why it’s all still there. Olga Tschechowa has this piercing gaze that carries half the scenes, even when the plot makes absolutely zero sense.

Odd moments and observations

• There is a scene near the middle where a character stares at a wall for what feels like an eternity. Why? I have no idea.
• The lighting in the office scenes is so harsh it looks like they were shooting on the surface of the sun.
• The pacing is just... weird. It sprints through a betrayal and then crawls through a conversation about paperwork.

I couldn't stop thinking about The Puzzle while watching this, mainly because both films seem obsessed with people hiding in shadows. At least the other one had a sense of humor. This one takes itself so incredibly seriously that you can almost hear the director holding his breath.

The dialogue is stiff as a board. It feels less like real people talking and more like people reciting manifestos. Everything feels heavy. Even the hats look like they weigh ten pounds each.

There's a moment toward the end involving a train station that is surprisingly well-framed. It’s the only time the camera stops feeling like it’s glued to a tripod. 🚂 It almost makes you think, 'Hey, maybe this could have been a decent movie.' But then the talking starts again and you’re back in the mud.

I wouldn't call this a total disaster. It’s more of a cinematic relic that lost its context somewhere along the way. It’s fascinating if you’re a history nerd, but for a Friday night? Probably not.

Don't expect a big payoff. The ending just kind of happens. It’s like the film ran out of film and just decided, 'Yeah, that's enough for today.' Very anti-climactic. 🤷‍♂️