Safe Roads: When Chevy tried to make traffic laws feel like a locomotive manual

Is this for you?

If you enjoy weird historical artifacts or have a strange fascination with mid-century corporate propaganda, you’ll probably find this mildly amusing. Everyone else—especially people who just want to watch a movie without being told how to steer—will find it incredibly dry. It’s not really a "movie" in any sense that matters, but it exists, and I watched it so you don't have to.

The whole premise is that cars are getting faster, so we need to act like railway engineers to stay alive. It’s a very specific, weird kind of paranoia. They really want you to be afraid of the gas pedal.

The vibe is just... off.

There’s a stiffness to the dialogue that makes everyone sound like they’re reading off a cue card held by someone they dislike. It lacks the charm you might find in something like Cowboy Holiday, where at least people are allowed to have a personality. Here, personality is a safety hazard.

The cinematography is purely utilitarian. Every shot of a road is just there to illustrate a point about proper spacing, like a high-budget driver’s ed video. You keep waiting for a story to break out, but it just keeps circling back to the same points about braking distances.

• The narrator sounds like he’s explaining how to defuse a bomb.
• The cars look beautiful, but they spend the whole time driving at a glacial pace.
• There is a distinct lack of drama, unless you count the dramatic tension of a car changing lanes correctly.

I found myself wondering if anyone actually followed this advice. The idea of treating a sedan like a freight train is honestly kind of funny. Imagine pulling up to a stoplight and trying to calculate your momentum like you're hauling coal. It’s just absurd.

Compared to the lighter, more breezy stuff like Paradise for Two, this thing is a total anchor. It takes itself so incredibly seriously, as if your life depends on maintaining a specific gap between you and the guy in the station wagon. Maybe it does? I don't know.

Anyway, watch it if you want to see how corporate branding used to try and gaslight you into being a safer driver. Just don't expect a masterpiece. 🚗💨