Scotland Yard Commands: A Drunken Drive to Nowhere

Is this thing worth watching?

Honestly, only if you have a soft spot for British black-and-white crime dramas that don't quite know where they're going. If you want a tight, adrenaline-fueled mystery, you're going to be annoyed by how much time Stevenson spends moping around.

If you like movies that feel a bit dusty and don't mind a protagonist who makes some truly questionable life choices, you might find something to like here. It's not for everyone, though.

The Setup

Commander Stevenson isn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, especially when he's been hitting the gin. Watching him drive his car toward the coast while clearly not fit to be behind the wheel is… well, it’s a choice. It makes for an uncomfortable start to a movie that’s supposed to be about police procedure.

The whole smuggling plot feels like it was tacked on just to give him something to do once he got out of the car. It’s almost like the writers realized, "Wait, we need a crime here!"

The Vibe

There’s a strange, quiet energy to the coastal scenes. It feels damp. You can practically smell the salt air and the stale alcohol on Stevenson’s coat.

Sometimes the movie lingers on a shot of the waves or a random bit of coastline for a few seconds too long. It’s not necessarily bad, but it definitely kills the momentum of the investigation. You start wondering if the cinematographer just really liked the view that day.

Odd Moments

• The way Stevenson stares into the middle distance during the interrogation scenes. Like he’s trying to remember if he left the oven on.
• The smugglers are almost too polite. It's like they're trying to be menacing while remembering their manners.
• I’m still not sure if the romance angle was meant to be tragic or just plain awkward. It lands somewhere in the middle.

It’s funny to think about how this compares to something like Number 17, which has a bit more snap to its step. This one feels like it’s walking through mud, but sometimes walking through mud is exactly what you want on a rainy Tuesday.

The pacing is all over the place. One minute it’s a high-stakes crime drama, the next it’s a slow character study of a guy who really needs a nap. Don't go in expecting a masterpiece, and you'll probably get through it just fine. 🌊🥃