She Loves Me Not: A chaotic mess of a musical

Should you watch She Loves Me Not? If you like Bing Crosby and don't mind a story that falls apart the second you ask a question, sure. If you need logic, or even a plot that stays on the rails for more than five minutes, you will probably hate this.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of She Loves Me Not (1934) through its definitive frames.

It’s a strange little movie. Miriam Hopkins is running for her life from some goons, so naturally, she decides the best place to hide is a Princeton dorm room. As a man. I mean, sure. Why not?

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of She Loves Me Not (1934) through its definitive frames.

Bing Crosby is just being Bing. He’s got that voice, obviously, but he mostly seems to be wandering through the set wondering where the craft services table is. He’s charming enough, but he feels like he’s in a completely different movie than everyone else.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of She Loves Me Not (1934) through its definitive frames.

There is this one scene where they are hiding in a room, and the door opens and closes about a dozen times. It’s like a slapstick nightmare. It goes on for so long that I started counting the lamps in the background just to stay sane.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of She Loves Me Not (1934) through its definitive frames.

The whole thing feels like a stage play that got drunk and tried to jump into a film reel. It’s got that frantic energy of Me and My Gal, but without the grit. It’s all light and fluff and people shouting at each other in hallways.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of She Loves Me Not (1934) through its definitive frames.

I couldn't help but laugh when the gangsters finally show up. They look like they wandered off the set of a much darker, serious crime flick. They don't fit at all. It’s like putting a gargoyle in a garden party.

Is it a classic? Not really. It’s more of a curiosity. It’s the kind of thing you put on while you’re folding laundry or eating cold pizza on a Tuesday.

• The Princeton guys are all so intensely polite about a woman living in their room.
• The music just sort of happens, then stops, then happens again. No warning.
• Miriam Hopkins in a suit is a bold choice that the movie never really explains.
• Some of the extras in the background are clearly just waiting for lunch.

The pacing is all over the place. One minute it’s a snappy comedy, the next it’s a musical, and then it’s a chase. It never picks a lane. Honestly, I think that’s why it’s actually kind of fun. It’s a mess, but at least it’s a busy mess.

Don’t go looking for deep meaning here. You won't find it. Just watch Bing croon, watch the doors slam, and try not to think about how ridiculous the premise is. It’s a relic, but it’s a loud one.