I watched Stars of Tomorrow No. 4 and now I'm confused about xylophones

Is this worth watching today? Only if you are the kind of person who likes digging through the bargain bin of history.

If you love old vaudeville or seeing how awkward people were when cameras first started talking, you will probably get a kick out of this. If you want a story or even a single joke that lands, you should probably avoid it at all costs.

It is basically a ten-minute variety show that feels like it was filmed in someone's basement, even though it clearly wasn't. Harry Jans is the guy in charge, the master of ceremonies.

He has this very specific 1930s energy where he talks fast and hopes you don't notice the acts are a bit thin. He tries to keep things moving, but you can tell he's just waiting for his paycheck. 💸

The first guy up is a banjoist. He is actually pretty good at the banjo, but he looks like he’s staring at a ghost just off-camera.

His fingers are flying, but his face is completely frozen. It’s that early-talkie stiffiness that you see in movies like Fiddlesticks.

Then we get the vocal chorus. They all stand in a line and sing, and it is perfectly fine, I guess.

But they look so uncomfortable in their clothes. Like their collars are two sizes too small and they're afraid to breathe too deep.

The real highlight—or maybe the lowest point—is the Popeye imitation. This guy comes out and starts doing the voice, and it is just... loud.

It’s a grown man squinting one eye and making growling noises at a camera. I wonder if his family was proud of this or if they made him change his name later. ⚓

The movie gets really strange when the xylophonic tap dancing starts. I had to rewind that part because I didn't think I saw it right.

He is actually dancing on the keys of the instrument. It sounds exactly like you think it would, which is to say, it's a lot of clattering and banging.

I was mostly worried he was going to trip and break his ankle. The way he smiles while doing it is a little bit terrifying.

It reminds me of the random energy in The Hot Dog Special. Just stuff happening for the sake of it.

The lighting in the background is weirdly dark. You can see these long shadows on the floor that don't seem to match the people moving.

There is a moment where Harry Jans looks like he forgot what he was supposed to say next. He just kind of blinks and then keeps going.

I like these small mistakes. They make it feel more like a real night at a theater and less like a polished "product."

Everything feels very rushed, yet somehow the ten minutes feels like twenty. It has that strange time-warp effect some old shorts have.

The "Stars of Tomorrow" title is pretty funny in hindsight. I don't think many of these people became stars of the next afternoon, let alone tomorrow.

Except maybe Benny Rubin, who shows up and actually knows how to work a camera. He’s got that professional polish that makes the amateurs look even more like, well, amateurs.

It’s not as polished as something like World's Fair. It’s much more scrappy and disorganized.

I noticed one of the singers in the back row kept looking at the floor. I bet there were marks they were supposed to hit, and she was terrified of missing hers.

The whole thing is just a collection of "stuff." There isn't any flow between the acts, just Harry Jans popping back in to tell us what's next.

It’s the kind of thing you watch once and then think about for five minutes before forgetting it forever. But for those five minutes, you're mostly thinking about that xylophone guy.

I wonder if he had to buy a new xylophone after every performance. Those wooden keys can't take that much punishment. 🔨

Anyway, it's a short watch. If you're bored and want to see a man pretend to be a cartoon sailor, go for it.

Just don't expect it to change your life. It’s just a weird little slice of 1935 that somehow survived.