Streamline Express: A Train Ride That Mostly Stays on Track

Is it worth the ticket?

If you like 1930s-style ensemble dramas where everybody is hiding a secret, you’ll probably have a decent time with Streamline Express. It’s got that specific, snappy rhythm of old Hollywood scripts where people talk fast and walk faster. If you hate movies where the whole plot is basically 'who is who' in a confined space, skip it. You will be bored to tears within twenty minutes.

The premise is simple: a high-speed train crossing the country. Naturally, you’ve got a mix of people who shouldn't be together. We have a confidence man trying to be slick and a stage director who thinks he's clever pretending to be a steward. It’s all very theatrical. Sometimes it feels like they’re performing a play on tracks, which I guess is the point.

Small things that stuck out

There’s this one scene where a character is trying to act like a train employee, and they are doing it so poorly it’s almost funny. You can see the actor trying to look busy with a tray of drinks, but his eyes keep darting around like he’s waiting for the director to yell cut. It’s weirdly charming. It reminded me a bit of the frantic energy in Nix on Dames, just with less singing.

The pacing is a bit of a mess, honestly. Some scenes feel like they’re sprinting to the finish line, and others just hang there in the dining car. There's a moment where a conversation about a ticket goes on for about three minutes too long. My mind definitely drifted to what I was gonna have for dinner later.

• The lighting in the cabin looks like it was borrowed from a stage show.
• Someone is always lurking in the shadows of the hallway.
• The 'seductive' grifter character is trying so hard, it hurts.

Is it a masterpiece? No. It doesn't have the grit you might find in something like Woman in Chains, but it’s not trying to be a heavy drama either. It’s a movie that knows it’s a movie. Sometimes that’s enough. The train itself looks kind of like a toy, which I’m sure looked 'futuristic' back when it was made, but now it’s just cute. 🚂

I found myself wondering if they actually built a set for the whole train or if they just kept moving the same two chairs around. The blocking is so repetitive. Still, for a quick watch, you could do much worse. It’s not exactly Any Old Port! in terms of pure fun, but it’s got its own little personality.