The Crimes of Stephen Hawke: A Very Loud Silent Movie

Is it worth your time?

Honestly, it depends on how much you love watching a guy chew on the scenery until there is nothing left. If you need tight pacing and realistic police work, look elsewhere. But if you have a soft spot for grainy, stage-influenced murder mysteries from the thirties, this is a weird little treat. Folks who hate overacting or movies that look like they were filmed inside a wooden box will probably want to skip this one entirely.

Tod Slaughter is the whole show here. He plays Stephen Hawke, the so-called 'Spinebreaker,' and he plays him like he is auditioning for a play in the back row of a massive theater. Every gesture is huge. Every glare is meant to burn a hole through the camera lens.

There is a scene midway through where he is just staring at a wall while planning his next move, and the way he twitches his fingers is... well, it's a choice. It makes me think of the manic energy in Ecstasy, though they are completely different beasts. This movie is not trying to be high art. It is trying to be a penny dreadful come to life.

The London of it all

The London depicted here feels like a cardboard cutout. You can practically see the dust motes dancing in the lights, and sometimes the shadows don't even seem to match the lamps on screen. It has this oddly empty feeling, like the city is just three rooms and a foggy alleyway. It reminds me of the claustrophobia in Two A.M., where the setting feels more like a prison than a location.

• The sound quality is rough, but that just adds to the charm.
• Slaughter's mustache deserves its own credit.
• The police are perpetually three steps behind, which is a bit frustrating.
• The way people stand in groups is so unnatural it’s almost hypnotic.

There is a specific moment when Hawke laughs, and the audio crackles so hard it sounds like a bowl of Rice Krispies. I had to rewind it twice because it was so jarring. It’s those little imperfections that make me glad I sat through the whole thing instead of just reading the plot summary on a wiki page.

It gets better once the plot stops pretending to be a detective story and just turns into a slasher romp. The final act is pure nonsense, but it’s entertaining nonsense. You can feel the movie trying to convince you that these stakes are high, but by then, you’re just watching to see how much more havoc Slaughter can cause.

It’s not a masterpiece. It’s barely a coherent film by modern standards. But sometimes, you just want to see a villain work for his living. 🕵️‍♂️