The Mistress of Atlantis (1932) - Creepy, slow, and totally hypnotic

If you have eighty minutes to spare and a soft spot for weird, dusty fantasy films from the early sound era, The Mistress of Atlantis is absolutely worth your time. But if you cannot stand crackly audio and guys in wool uniforms sweating profusely in the desert, you should probably skip this one. 🏜️

The setup is incredibly simple. Two French Foreign Legion officers get hopelessly lost in the Sahara and stumble into a secret subterranean kingdom ruled by a very cold queen.

It sounds like a classic pulp novel, and honestly, that is exactly what it feels like. The movie is based on a famous novel, which had already been filmed as a silent movie a decade earlier.

What makes this version special is Brigitte Helm. She plays Queen Antinea with this incredible, icy posture that makes everyone else in the room look like they are just vibrating with nervous energy.

She mostly just sits there, draped in expensive-looking fabric, looking completely unimpressed by the men fighting over her. I love how she barely moves her head when people talk to her.

There is a hilarious moment early on where the soldiers are wandering through the dunes. The sand looks so deep that you can tell the actors are genuinely exhausted from just walking.

One of them keeps adjusting his heavy hat, and it is the most human thing in the whole movie. He is not acting; he is just really hot and tired.

Once they get underground, the movie turns into a strange, dreamlike fever. The sets are surprisingly huge, but they also feel completely empty, like a museum after closing time.

We get these long, lingering shots of corridors and stone arches that go on just a bit too long. It is the kind of pacing you do not see anymore, where the camera is just happy to stare at a wall.

And then we have the embalmed ex-lovers. Yes, the queen literally keeps her dead boyfriends preserved in silver alcoves like trophies.

The movie does not even try to explain the science of this. They are just there, looking like creepy statues, and the characters just accept it as normal.

It has some of that grand, slow-motion doom we saw in The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, though this one is much more claustrophobic. But unlike those silent epics, the early sound here makes everything feel oddly quiet and empty.

Sometimes there is no music at all, just the sound of boots scraping on gravel. It makes the underground kingdom feel less like a magical fantasy and more like a very large, spooky basement.

There is also this dog that hangs out in the palace. It looks like a very good boy who is slightly confused by the dramatic lighting.

I spent about five minutes just watching the dog in the background of one scene instead of listening to the dialogue. He was just sniffing a pillar, totally ignoring the tragedy unfolding next to him.

The ending comes up pretty fast and does not really wrap things up in a neat bow. But that is fine because the whole thing feels like a weird dream you had after eating spicy food too late at night.

If you want a polished blockbuster, go watch something else. But if you want to see Brigitte Helm look incredibly glamorous while men ruin their lives for her, give this a spin. 👑

A few random things I noticed:

• The French guy's mustache deserves its own billing in the credits.
• The shadow play on the cave walls is actually cooler than the actual sets.
• That poor dog really wanted a treat.
• The sound of wind in the desert scenes sounds like someone blowing into a cheap microphone.