Timber Terrors: When the Animals Out-Act the Humans

If you enjoy movies where the top-billed stars have four legs and fur, then Timber Terrors is exactly the weird little treat you’re looking for. If you’re a fan of coherent pacing or high-budget acting, you’ll probably want to skip this one before the opening credits finish rolling.

It’s wild that Dynamite the Horse and Captain the Dog are billed above almost everyone else. Watching John Preston try to act alongside them is a strange experience. The animals honestly seem like they have a better handle on the script than he does. 🐎🐕

The plot is pretty basic. A fur trapper dies, a Mountie gets taken out, and suddenly Sergeant Morton is on the case. It feels like a story you’ve seen a thousand times before in old serials. The villain, Burke, is about as subtle as a sledgehammer, which makes it funny that it takes our hero so long to catch onto him.

There is this moment where Morton gets tied up and I honestly thought, 'Well, that’s it, the movie is over.' But then the horse and dog just sort of... coordinate? It’s arguably the most impressive piece of directing in the entire film.

I couldn't help but think about how much more grounded some of these older B-movies feel compared to something like Jack. There’s a raw, dusty quality to the snow here that you just don't get in modern sets.

The pacing is a bit of a mess. It swings wildly between scenes of people talking in rooms and these weird, brisk action beats where someone is suddenly getting ambushed in the woods. It doesn't quite flow, but it keeps you awake at least.

Myrla Bratton spends a lot of time looking worried, which is fair considering the guy she’s stuck with is a total nightmare. The whole thing feels like a Saturday morning project that someone accidentally turned into a feature film. It’s got that same loose energy you find in Bosko at the Beach, though significantly less cartoonish.

If you're into the history of these forgotten studio efforts, it’s worth a look for the sheer absurdity of it all. Just don't go in expecting a masterpiece. It's a rough, unpolished ride, and honestly, that's kind of why it sticks in your brain.

Notes from the couch:

• The horse really should have received a writing credit.
• I counted at least three different scenes where a hat fell off in the wind and nobody acknowledged it.
• The dialogue is so stiff you could use it for lumber.
• Does Burke ever stop being grumpy?