Turandot: Head-chopping theater for the patient viewer

Should you watch Turandot, princesse de Chine? If you have a soft spot for dusty, stagey melodrama from another era, absolutely. If you need pacing faster than a tortoise on a coffee break, stay away. This is for the folks who like their cinema to feel like a dusty book pulled off a library shelf.

The whole thing hinges on a princess who just really, really doesn't want to get married. She makes these guys solve riddles, and if they get it wrong—snip—they lose their heads. It’s a bit extreme, even by today’s dating standards. 🙄

Katia Lova plays the princess with this icy, distant look that’s honestly kind of impressive. She doesn't have to say much to make you feel like she’d rather be anywhere else. The guys vying for her hand are another story. Some of them look like they’ve already accepted their fate before the riddle is even finished.

There's a certain stillness to the sets that reminded me of The Fatal Photo. It feels like a stage production that accidentally got filmed. You can almost smell the old velvet curtains.

Honestly, the movie is a bit uneven. Sometimes the tension is sharp enough to cut, and other times it just feels like everyone is waiting for the next cue. There’s a scene where they’re deliberating the fate of a suitor, and it just drags on for so long I started checking my own watch. I think the director just liked the look of the shadows on the wall a bit too much.

The dialogue is thick, dramatic stuff. It’s not exactly how people talk in real life, but that’s the point, I guess. It’s a fable. You don’t go in looking for realism; you go in for the mood. And the mood is definitely 'doomed romance.'

Random thoughts from the back row:

• The costume department clearly had a massive budget for fancy headgear.
• I’m pretty sure one of the extras in the background is just nodding off.
• The lighting in the final riddle scene is surprisingly moody for the time.
• Watching this makes me realize how much we’ve simplified storytelling since the old days.

It’s not perfect. It’s weird, it’s stiff, and it’s definitely not for everyone. But there’s a strange charm in how serious it takes itself. It’s like watching someone try to do a Shakespeare play in their basement with zero budget but infinite confidence. I kind of respect that.

Maybe it’s not as chaotic as Circus Clowns, but it has its own weird energy. If you’ve got an hour to kill and don't mind a bit of theatrical grit, give it a go. Just don't expect a happy ending that makes much sense.