Constance Talmadge and the weird boat drama of Vénus (1929)

You should probably watch this if you're into those old silent films where people communicate almost entirely through very intense eyebrow movements. It is a good pick for anyone who likes a heavy dose of irony and 1920s high-society fashion.

If you are the type of person who gets annoyed by characters not recognizing each other because of a different hat, you will absolutely hate this movie. It’s one of those stories where the plot would end in five minutes if anyone just said their last name out loud.

Constance Talmadge plays Princess Beatrice, and she has this way of looking at the camera like she’s slightly bored by her own wealth. It’s a vibe I honestly really enjoyed.

Early on, there is this scene on her ship where the Captain, Stefano, punches a guy. The movie says this indirectly caused the guy's death, which is a bit of a stretch if you ask me.

The guy basically falls down and that's it, he's gone. It felt a bit like the movie needed a reason for the Captain to be fired but didn't want him to be a total villain.

So, Beatrice fires him to protect her reputation, even though he was technically defending her honor. It’s all very dramatic and the music—if you’re watching a version with a score—really goes ham on the sadness here.

Then we jump to Cyprus, and the movie suddenly feels like a travel vlog from 1929. The scenery is nice, but you can tell some of it is just painted backdrops that don't quite match the lighting on the actors' faces.

Beatrice is wandering around and meets this handsome guy, played by Jean Murat. Of course, it’s the Captain she fired, but she has no clue because... well, maybe he grew a bit of stubble? 🤷‍♀️

They start flirting and it’s actually kind of sweet in a very old-fashioned way. They look at the sunset and you can almost feel the movie trying to be deep, even if it's just two people standing in front of a bright light.

I noticed this one extra in the marketplace scene who just stands there staring directly into the lens for like four seconds. It’s one of those little things you only catch if you aren't looking at the main actors, and it made me laugh.

The whole middle of the film is just them falling in love while we, the audience, wait for the hammer to drop. It’s a bit like watching a slow-motion car crash, but with more silk dresses.

There’s a moment where Stefano starts talking about how much he hates the name "Princess Beatrice Doriani." He goes on this whole rant about how she ruined his life and took his job.

The look on Constance’s face during this part is the highlight of the movie for me. She has to pretend she isn't the person he’s talking about, and her eyes just get wider and wider. 👀

It reminds me a bit of the tension in The New Commandment, though that one feels a bit more grounded than this. Or maybe even The Face of the World in terms of how much the characters suffer internally.

The pacing gets a little weird toward the end. It feels like they realized they only had ten minutes left and had to wrap up a whole lifetime of resentment really fast.

I wish we got more of the side characters, like the ones played by Max Maxudian or Maurice Schutz. They kind of just hover in the background like furniture.

Also, the hats. I have to mention the hats again because they are huge.

There is one hat Beatrice wears that looks like it could double as a satellite dish. I kept wondering how she kept her balance while walking on the deck of a ship.

It's not a masterpiece, and some of the logic is pretty thin. Like, how does a professional ship owner not remember the face of the man she personally fired after a high-profile death?

But silent films live on this kind of stuff. You just have to go with it or you'll give yourself a headache.

I think the ending is supposed to be this big emotional payoff, but it felt a little rushed to me. One minute they are arguing, and the next, well, you can guess.

If you've seen The Island of Regeneration, you know how these tropical-adjacent romances usually go. Vénus is a bit more polished than that, but it has the same DNA.

I’m glad I watched it, mostly for the vibes and the weirdly specific way people in 1929 thought romance worked. It’s a fascinating relic even if the story is a bit of a mess.

It’s definitely better than some of the other stuff from that year, like maybe The Spotted Lily, which I found way harder to sit through. This one at least has Constance Talmadge's charisma to keep things moving.

Don't expect a life-changing experience. Just enjoy the boats and the drama. 🚢