Watching the 1934 World Cup: Why Are the Shorts So Short?

Is it worth your time?

If you enjoy watching Fourth of July Parade and just generally like staring at dusty archives, then yes. If you need color, sound, or a cohesive story, stay away. This is for the nerds who want to see how they played before everyone had a personal trainer.

The whole thing feels like you found a box of old film in your grandfather’s attic. It’s got that jittery, black-and-white charm that makes everything look a bit like a fever dream. You can barely tell who’s on which team half the time because the mud just covers everyone. Seriously, the pitches look like a swamp. ⚽

I found myself staring at the spectators more than the game. People in suits and hats standing on the sidelines, looking absolutely serious while someone boots a leather ball into the crowd. It’s a completely different vibe from the neon-soaked chaos you see today.

There is this one moment where a defender just tackles someone in a way that would get him banned for life now. The ref just stands there. He didn’t even blink. It’s honestly refreshing to see that level of mayhem.

It’s not as polished as Miss U.S.A., obviously. It’s just raw, weird, and strangely hypnotic. The way the ball moves—it’s like it’s made of lead or something. It doesn't fly; it just kind of flops through the air.

• The referees look like they’re dressed for a fancy dinner party.
• The goalie uniforms are basically just long-sleeved pajamas.
• The sound of the crowd is just a distant, static roar.

I caught myself wondering if any of these guys had a clue how big this tournament would get. Probably not. They were just out there, running on wet grass, trying not to get kicked in the shins. It feels less like a big corporate event and more like a rowdy neighborhood match that got way out of hand.

If you're looking for a deep dive, this isn't it. It’s a quick dip into a very strange, very old pond. I liked it, but I also enjoy Penrod and Sam, so maybe my taste is just a bit antique.