Cardinal Richelieu (1935) review: George Arliss is the master of side-eye

If you have eighty minutes to spare and love watching old men outsmart smug aristocrats, yes, Cardinal Richelieu is worth your time. People who enjoy theatrical scenery-chewing will absolutely eat this up. 🍿

But if you need actual historical accuracy or characters who do not explain their entire plan to the camera, you will probably throw a shoe at your screen.

It is basically a movie about a very clever guy in a red dress who is surrounded by absolute idiots.

George Arliss plays the Cardinal, and honestly, he is the only reason to watch this. He does this weird thing with his fingers where he taps them together like a cartoon villain, but somehow makes it look classy.

I kept thinking about his performance in Alexander Hamilton, where he did the exact same sly old fox routine. The man had one setting, but it was a great setting.

There is a scene early on where Richelieu is pretending to be asleep in a chair while two guys plot his murder right next to him. It is so silly because they are talking in normal voices, yet they are surprised when he opens one eye and smiles.

The king, Louis XIII, is played by Edward Arnold. He spends the entire movie looking like a confused man who wandered into the wrong room and decided to stay for the free wine.

Arnold yells almost every single line. He is either furious or laughing like a maniac, with no middle ground at all.

And then we have Cesar Romero as Andre de Pons. He looks incredibly handsome and incredibly lost, like a puppy that got trapped in a velvet curtain.

The plot is supposedly about saving France, but it mostly feels like people opening heavy doors and saying "Ah, Cardinal!" in various tones of panic.

The sets look like they were built out of very expensive cardboard. You can almost hear the actors' boots squeaking on the studio floor during the quiet moments.

At one point, there is a giant scroll of paper that looks so fresh and white it must have been bought from an office supply store down the street five minutes before they yelled action.

I love how the movie just assumes we know who all these French nobles are. They show up, look angry, and then get sent to the Bastille before we even learn their names.

Some things I wrote down while watching:

• The Cardinal's guards have hats that are way too big for them. One guy looks like his helmet is slowly swallowing his nose.
• Maureen O'Sullivan is in this, but the script gives her literally nothing to do except look worried and hold a fan. 🤷‍♂️
• There is a very long pause after a guy gets stabbed where you can tell the actor is waiting for the director to yell cut. He just kind of wobbles there.
• The music is incredibly loud whenever Richelieu enters a room, just in case you forgot he is the main character.

It is not a masterpiece, and the ending wraps up so fast it might give you whiplash. The king just suddenly decides everything is fine and everyone hugs.

But Arliss is just so much fun to watch when he is being sneaky. He makes the whole silly thing work, even when the script is clearly running out of ideas.