Custer's Last Stand: A dusty, chaotic mess

Is this thing worth your time?

If you like old, grainy serials where people constantly get shot at for no reason, maybe. But honestly, most people will find Custer's Last Stand a total slog. It’s for the folks who find joy in the creaky, unintentional comedy of 1930s filmmaking.

The whole thing feels like it was written on the back of a napkin while someone was shouting instructions from across the room. You’ve got this guy, Blade, who is just relentlessly annoying. He’s running around trying to murder everyone just to get his hands on a medicine arrow. Why? Because an Indian told him it’s the key to finding gold. That’s it. That’s the entire motivation for like, fifteen chapters of chaos.

The weird rhythm of it all

The pacing is genuinely bizarre. Sometimes it feels like they spent three days filming a single scene of guys standing around talking about scouts. Other times, a massive fight breaks out and it’s over in five seconds. It’s jarring.

I couldn't help but notice how many times people just walk into frame and get hit with a prop. It’s like a slapstick routine that forgot it was supposed to be a serious western. Watching this reminded me a bit of the uneven energy in Mrs. Temple's Telegram, where the tone shifts so fast you get whiplash.

• The medicine arrow looks like it was made out of cardboard.
• Every time someone mentions Custer, the music gets weirdly loud.
• There is a lot of running in circles.
• The extras in the background look like they’d rather be literally anywhere else.

There’s this moment where Kit Cardigan is supposed to be mourning his father, but the acting is so stiff he looks like he’s just trying to remember where he parked his horse. It’s hard to stay invested when the stakes feel like they change every time the camera switches angles. It’s not quite as charming as Trader Mickey, though it definitely has that same dated, frantic energy.

I found myself staring at the background scenery more than the plot. You can see dust kicking up in places that clearly shouldn't have dust. Someone clearly forgot to sweep the stage, or maybe that’s just how they did things back then. Who knows. I probably shouldn't be thinking about the floor when people are supposed to be dying, but here we are.

Look, it’s not a masterpiece. It’s a relic. If you’re bored on a Sunday and want to see how much gold-lust a guy can have before he becomes a total cartoon villain, give it a go. Otherwise, you’re not missing much. 🤠